WHAT DOESN'T KILL ME WILL MAKE ME STRONGER:)

LONG TIME

2011-07-21T12:24:00.000-07:00

Wow it has been a very long time since I have wrote anything on here. I really couldn't tell you why. Maybe its just life? Who knows. This year seems to have been a very long year. Back in Jan the guy I had been seeing left I was devasted but thinking about it now maybe it was a good thing. Then at the end of April beginning of May Kris was diagnosed with PDD-NOS which is on the Autism Spectrum. However prior to the evaluation me and his therapist went around and around. I was told there was no way that he was on the spectrum that he was just being defient and that I NEED to get married and have another kid or two so Kris isn't the only child well sorry but I don't think so. Yes I have two AMAZING brothers and one sister but I did grow up as an only child due to them only being half and living many states away since our dad passed away in 85. But I was nothing like Kris is its more than defient yet every child is defient from time to time its normal but this goes beyond. He has melt downs in crowded areas. He can only be in his regular classroom for a short period of time before he gets over stimulated and has to go back to the resource room. It gets very very furstrating from time to time and having a therapist who wants to say I am in the wrong because I am an unmarried parent is bull crap! It's not that I haven't tried to find a decent guy in this messed up world. I'm to the point where I truely believe my "prince charming" got hit by a semi truck plain and simple! This last year at school for Kris was one of his best it was only 3rd grade but he made so many big achievements all thanks to his wonderful resource teacher. She is a wonderful lady. She has a therapy dog in her class her name is Daisy and Kris loves her to pieces!! I am very thankful for her. Anytime I have questions I can text her or call her. She keeps a journal that gets sent home every night from school that says what went on and weather he had a good day or not. She has even made time over the summer to meet up with him so he could see Daisy. I can honestly say she's gone way above and beyond than any other teacher I have known. She truly loves the kids in her class and most of them are like Kris maybe not the same diagnoses but still the same concept it works great for him. This year he will be in her class again (untill he finishes 5th grade) but he will also have another teacher in the 4th grade hallway but will only be with her for a couple hours in the morning in hopes later to have him in there more. One day at a time with him and one step at a time. I do have to admit some days I do want to break down because its a lot harder than I thought it ever would be. There are so many days that are a nightmare mainly because he wont go outside cause of the bugs or he wont eat something because of the texture. Buying clothes for him is a nightmare all do to the sensory disorder. I have been told many many times its not my fault that he is this way but sometimes I wonder. Did I go wrong somewhere? What did I do that could have caused all this?? I don't know maybe its just one of my bad days I give up. Well I'll try to write more another time.

countdown begins

2010-08-06T16:02:00.000-07:00

So as of today Kris is registered for school YES!!!!!! He has 9 days remaining after today of course till School start and mommy can't wait!!! I love him but I'm telling you what when he's at school I can clean the house and organize it so much better. Had the first soap party this past Wed. It went pretty good considering only 6 people showed up all from his family of course none of my friends or family came shows who cares more! His family is really nice and they seem to have welcomed me into the family they call to talk to me more than they call to talk to him hmmmm that can't be good lol. His mom and I are going out to his sisters tomorrow to play in the weeds while him and his brother mow and other things then have dinner together. She said she was eating with the kids on facebook and i asked what kids and thats when she told me that I was included in "the kids" and that I'm one of hers now too :) made me feel good. Kris says he is ready for school to start I hope so. We put clothes in layaway yesterday for him for this winter then put some in layaway for me at gordmans today hehehe I needed some new jeans only down side is I'll have to have them hemed up lol. We are working on planning the next soap part for the second weekend of Oct. but this time it will be on a Saturday instead of in the middle of the week and see if that makes any difference. Plus this time there will be games and a raffle for 2 gift baskets. His mom won the one we had this past week she seemed to like it alot. Well I need to go work on the one I am donating to raise money for "the crossing" which is a school here in Frankfort to help those students who have a hard time in the regular classroom or end up getting sick and having to miss a lot of work. None of the students are there because of being in trouble or drugs they refuse to let them in. It's a pretty nice set up and who knows maybe by high school Kris may have to go there we will see.

It's on Tuesday

2010-07-27T07:05:00.000-07:00

So I feel like this week is going to go slow however tonight I am not going to mind if it goes slow cuz I get to spend time with the boyfriend :) This is Kris last week of summer school then next Friday we register him for 3rd grade then they start back up Aug 16th. Starting Aug 23rd I'll be taking Tim two days a week to Lafayette for his classes so that means I'll get to see him a lil more during the week than what I have been always makes me happy. Today I need to get a few things done around the house like giving the dog a bath. Need to make dinner early today so I can take some over to Tim after I pick mom up from class. Sometimes I feel like all I get done is running or at least here lately. Oh well its all worth it in the end I think. Not a lot going on other than that around here. I have to start getting things ready for next week for the Soap party which should be interesting we will see how it work. Guess I better get off the computer and get some work done. Yippee NOT lol

Tired

2010-07-19T20:11:00.000-07:00

Ok so it's monday night and I can't sleep even though I know I need to because 7 am comes early. Urg Oh well. Tomorrow is going to be a good day. My mom goes to Harrison College in Lafayette and the colts are going to be there tomorrow as a special for students so we are taking Tim to it. He is excited he loves the colts. I have yet to understand why but oh well it's a guy thing I guess. All I know is I get an extra day this week to see him and that makes me happy :) I hate having to wait till Saturday to see him but to be honest this week I think I would have been ok for a certain reason which I will not get into due to my brothers read this and it's a female only thing again URG. Yesterday I was in my friends wedding and let me tell you what NEVER again will I be in a wedding that is held outside in July in Indiana screw that shit it was way too hot. But other than that it was pretty good. Now just a couple more months and she'll be popping out the baby. I have registration for Kris for school Aug. 6th then school starts Aug. 16th YIPPPEE he's got this week and next week left of summer school then a little time off before regular school. I am so ready for him to go back to school all day 5 days a week makes it easier to deal with along with my moms schedual plus he'll be riding the bus unlike summer school. Then Tim starts his classes Aug. 26th he's getting excited about that and I am proud of him at least he's trying to make an effort to improve his life. I'm just kinda grateful he's getting to take his math class at the Frankfort public library instead of going to Lafayette for that class and his other two classes will be in the auto building at Ivy Tech in Lafayette which I'm ok with. I was just a little worried about him going to the main building due to the fact my good friend just got cheated on by her bf while he was going to ivy tech so that made me feel a little nervouse although I am not sure I have anything to worry about after all he did make it through my family reunion on my dads side and we are talking about going next year then driving up to MI to go fishing for a few days before heading home. But that's only a maybe right now. Well I guess I better go and try to get some sleep. Good night to all

Beginning of the week

2010-07-12T10:43:00.000-07:00

So I had a pretty good weekend. Spent most of it with my 2 fav. guys (my son and my wonderful boyfriend). We drove up north for a little bit of the weekend went to a family reunion and stayed at a hotel that was a lot of fun. Saturday night we went out to Tim's sisters house had a few too many to drink usually I'm the sober one however that so was not the case. We had a lot of fun. I just ran Tim up to the high School to get papers he needs for Ivy Tech so he can register for classes. Tomorrow I'm going over there in the evening to hang out for awhile just the two of us I think. I enjoy spending time with him Im just a little nervouse cuz I'm afraid when he starts school he'll find someone thinner and prettier and be gone. Oh well I'm trying to stay postive. Things look so bright right now. Well I should prob go so I can make some cheesecake to take to him tomorrow and figuer out what to make for dinner tonight. Oh what fun.

Busy Day

2010-07-08T06:09:00.000-07:00

Today is a busy day and yet I don't feel like doing any of it. I have to give the kid a bath and the dog today and finish some minor housework. My oldest brother and his family will be here later this afternoon plus I got to make sure the bag is packed for tomorrow. I have to pick up my friend Kali at 10 tomorrow morning cuz she is watching my puppy for me so she's not stuck in her cage overnight. Then around 11:30 I get to go pick up Tim on our way out of town to head up north. I so can't wait a night in the hotel with Tim and Kris. Kris is so excited cuz he wants to swim with Tim which is so cute he usually doesn't get attached to any guys so I'm not sure how to feel about it kinda of scared but oh well. Well I guess I should go so I can get some stuff finished.

Monday again

2010-07-05T12:52:00.000-07:00

So today is monday and it sure does feel like a monday so much to get done and all I really wanna do is sleep. 4th of July was pretty good Kris had fun with Tim then we dropped him off with mamaw and headed to a party where Tim got a little too drunk once again. Oh well. He did however manage to make plans for a soap party to sell my bath products on Aug. 4th at 7pm at his place I was very surprised makes me think more and more that I have a wonderful boyfriend. Today makes 1 month that he's managed to hold down a real relationship and not just an on and off thing lol. However it is approaching our 5 year mark of being on and off so it works out in the long run I am sure. Kris starts summer school tomorrow and I need to get all the housework done tomorrow and Wed and have the bag packed by Thursday night. I so can't wait for our little getaway its going to be great!!! Just the three of us away from stuff here then who knows what we will do Saturday evening when we return home. Well I have some work to get done so I guess I better hope to it. Have a great week

Friday

2010-07-02T19:59:00.000-07:00

So tonight I took Kris out to meet tim's mom and sister and one of his brother they had so much fun hopeing he'll sleep in tomorrow cuz I have a lot to get done in the morning then tomorrow night going to tims I can't wait. Kris tried to talk him into coming over tonight to spend the night but he wanted to stay with his sister and have some time with her which was cool with me. I mean don't get me wrong I would have loved to have shared by bed but that's another story. I get to see him 3 days this weekend that makes me so happy tonight, tomorrow and sunday night!!!!! If only he knew how happy I was well I guess I better get to bed since i have a busy day tomorrow good night to everyone

Way too Early

2010-06-30T22:44:00.001-07:00

So it's almost 2am Thursday morning normally by now I'd be out like a light but no not tonight for some reason I can't get to sleep and I'm not sure why so I went and played with my soaps instead. I made some cute Star Sugar scrubs they smell like Vanilla so cute I am so proud of myself lol. I went shopping with my friend Kali Wed. it was great fun. Bought some new clothes for next weekend along with something sexy to wear Friday night of next week hehehe no one but one person will see it on me if he even gets that lucky lol. I guess he went and got a new tat Wed night don't know what it is yet he hasn't said urg stupid boys its all good I like his tats I am starting to feel a little left out however I'm the only one out of all of the people I hang out with on a regular basis that does not have any tats hmmm maybe because I feel as though I'm too fat to have one I just wish the fat would go away but not having much luck for the last 2 months I've been walking every night at least 2 hours each night and I gave up soda and only drink water even when we go out to eat and try to choose the healthier foods and nothing it's so freakin fustrating. If I'm lucky I'll lose 1 lb in a week but then turn around the next week and gain 3 lbs seriously wtf?? I'm so fustrated I dont know what to do anymore oh well. I guess I should go to bed now. Goodnight to all

Only Tuesday

2010-06-29T12:47:00.000-07:00

Ok so I feel as though this week is going super slow YUCK!!!! Anyways tomorrow should be a really good day. Kris is going to the zoo in Lafayette with his group and mom has class from 1-3 so I'll have a quite afternoon so I can get ready for a shopping trip. I'm going to Lafayette with my friend Kali for a girls evening out we are going shopping and having girl talk :) I so can't wait we have so much to catch onto. Today Tim changed his status on Facebook from In an open relationship to in a relationship and i started to cry i don't know why i can't explain it I know it is stupid but oh well. I had changed mine Sunday after talking to his best friend and finding out the reason he put it as open to begin with was the same reason as I did we were both afraid the other would get mad lol Kinda funny if you think about it. I get to spend two wonderful nights with him this weekend I am so excited Saturday night we will be going out with this best friend and his wife then Sunday Kris and I are going over there for a cookout and to let fireworks off then mamaw is coming to pick up Kris and Tim and I will be getting drunk yipppeee haven't been drunk in awhile should be fun :) Things are looking good on the relationship end now if only the business would pick up a little I'd be feeling so much better but I'm starting to get a little stressed about it but everyone keeps telling me not to worry that it will pick up I hope they are right. Well I better get going Kris should be home soon from group and then I have to make dinner not sure what its gonna be yet oh well lol.

Tired

2010-06-27T16:20:00.000-07:00

It's been a long but great weekend. I so can't wait till next week since I get to spend two nights with Tim :) Saturday night we ended up going up north a little past Lafayette to a bar with this best friend Gabe and his wife Cassy for a welcome home party for a solider in Gabe's unit it was a lot of fun other than the fact that I was DD which I don't normally mind because I'm not a big drinker and they are my friends and I wouldn't want them to get hurt. So this week should go back to normal due to moms classes starting back up then next weekend will be great. Saturday we are going with Gabe and his wife again but this time we are going to Kokomo to a strip club (i could careless about that but whatever) then Sunday Kris and I are going over to Tim's for a cookout (just the three of us) and then set off fireworks then mom is picking Kris up and I'm staying with Tim for the night so that makes me very happy. I love falling asleep next to him. Things are going really great. Well I think I am going to go lay back down for some reason I'm having a hard time staying awake today I think it's due to the heat

It's Saturday

2010-06-26T10:13:00.000-07:00

So it's finally Saturday thank goodness I didn't think it would get here fast enough. I've got about 45 mins before picking up my boyfriend I can't wait. This will be the first time he's been out with Kris and I so I hope it's a good day. We are heading to Lafayette for dinner and to shop for fireworks since he's willing to set them off for Kris next Sunday. Kris is so excited he wants to sit next to Tim at dinner so I guess I don't get much of a choice silly kid. Oh well. I don't know I'm just super excited I guess today and I don't know why. I know I shouldn't make it a big deal for the simple fact that bout time I get excited he will decied this isn't what he wants. I don't know everyone keeps telling me I have nothing to worry about but after being cheated on and everything else in the past by others it's kind of hard to trust that he's not going to just up and walk away for no reason at all. Well I guess I better get going so I can get the dog ready to go into her cage while we are gone then call my mom so she knows we are on our way to Lafayette soon and stop by the store for cigs for tim to keep him happy for the evening. Hope everyone has a good weekend

Late Night Phone Call

2010-06-24T23:11:00.000-07:00

I am so not as young as I used to be therefore I go to bed usually no later than midnight other than Saturday nights when I stay up with tim till the wee hours of the morning. Well here it is a little after 2am and I just got off the phone with his best friend whom I have yet to talk to since his ass got back from overseas so it was nice talking to him. I found out that when Tim goes over there I'm the only thing he talks to Gabe about and that he's excited and very nervouse about going to my family reunion because it does take him away from his house but i'm sure he'll be fine and the fact that Kris will be there and he hasn't been around Kris much. I am feeling so much better to know i'm not the only one worried about stuff. I worry about how Kris is going to react towards Tim and how he's going to behave in general. I really hope he's on his best behavor. This Saturday my mom is taking tim, kris and I to dinner and then we are going firework shopping so this will be the first time he's been around kris so we'll see how that goes. It's just good to know that someone else in this relationship is a little worried and nervouse. I have yet to understand why he's nervous about my family i don't care if they like him or not because to be honest I love him the only person i care if they like him is Kris and that's cuz Kris would be very involved in our life. I don't know I guess I better go back to bed.

Great Weekend

2010-06-21T16:46:00.000-07:00

I realize this past weekend was fathers day but for me it was a good weeked. Tim took me to his cousins wedding reception (neither of us knew about it till last min.) so I met half of his family it was nice most of them were drinking. We then headed out to his sisters place with what was left of the Keg to finish the party. It was nice I was sober like always someone has to drive lol. I did mention I had a family reunion coming up in July up North and asked if he would go with I was very shocked when he said Yes that made my day then to top it off he's going as my date to my best friends wedding in July as well even though he HATES weddings. I so can tell he is trying hard to make this work. So that's about it got reservations made for the hotel i'm so excited this coming weekend Kris and I are picking Tim up so we can go firework shopping since he will be setting fireworks off for Kris for me then we are going to dinner then dropping Kris off with Mamaw so we can go back to the house and who knows what's going to go on. I have to admit I have the best boyfriend ever :)

IDK

2010-06-18T16:51:00.000-07:00

So i dont have much to say just needed some place to get some stuff off of my chest. My best friend Kali and her boyfriend Jarrod just broke up today because he cheated on her when he was going to Ivy Tech. There is a 10 yr difference in age i know that doesn't always mean anything but idk. Anyways Tim will start going to ivy tech in the fall I am so proud of him for going but at the same time im scared. I just now got what i've been wanting for the last 5 yrs what happens if he finds someone prettier, skinner, and someone who don't have any kids. I know i shouldn't think like that and stuff but i know he could find better. I am not a super model by any means but I'm not fake like a lot of the girls around here are. I have no problems saying whats on my mind whether anyone wants to hear it or not. This is the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with and believe me I try hard not to let my doubts show around him. He makes me feel a way no one else has ever made me feel. I've been in love with him for 13 yrs since we first met but we didnt start sleeping together till 5 yrs ago and now he admitted he wanted the real relationship and I dont know what to think im happy he is mine don't get me wrong I'm thrilled in so many ways. But what happens if he decides he could do better im the one left with the broken heart and im not sure im ready to go through that. Ok now that i've gotten that out i guess i'll go lay down cuz its starting to storm here. Can't wait till tomorrow when i get to see him and be held in his arms all night then i'll be truly happy then the 4th of july he is setting fireworks off for Kris which i thought was so sweet of him.

Long day

2010-06-16T18:09:00.000-07:00

So today has been a long day but a pretty good one. I took my son to Monkey Joes today and he had a ball. Tomorrow we are hanging out with my friend Kali then Saturday night I get to see my man I am so happy about that. I am attempting to talk him into going to my family reunion with me so I dont have to drive all the way up there alone which would be nice plus I think he needs some time away give us a chance to spend some time together and with my son of course although he is setting fireworks off for Kris for me which makes me happy that he's willing to do that. Things are getting better and he's acting like he really wants to try to make this work so that's a bonus for me. I don't after 5 years i'm not ready to give up on him even though everyone thinks I should but how can you give up on someone you love with all your heart. I think it's kinda funny that he wants to meet my brothers I'm not sure how I feel about it but this summer would be a good time to meet the oldest one but we will see well off to bed i must go so i can have a good day tomorrow and count down the hours till i'm in his arms for the night :)

First week out

2010-06-04T22:42:00.000-07:00

Ok so this was Kris's first week out of school it went over ok I guess. Really don't remember much of the week and no it's not because I've been drinking. It's just been an odd week. We got his report card the other day 1 A 2 B's and 1 C the C is in reading which I knew would happen only because he is slightly behind everyone else mainly because he has a hard time reading outloud he seems to read the words backwards so I'm not really sure how to help him. Tonight we went and saw Marmaduke it was a pretty good movie. Saturday night I am heading over to Tim's house and so excited about it. I haven't seen him in 2 weeks it sucks but oh well I take what I get from him I guess. He's starting to change I'm not sure if I should get excited about it or not yet. Last time we were together he was talking about meeting my brothers sometime so I don't know if that's his way of saying he really wants a relationship or what I'm so lost in his thoughts sometimes. I asked him if he would give Kris the "big talk" in a few years just kinda or jokeing around (however I think it would be easier on Kris if it came from a guy) and he agreed to it a few months ago he would have just laughed at me and said keep dreaming. He had a house full of kids that night his friend brough over his kids to play some D & D and I jokeingly said "so when we gonna have a bunch of kids" his response kinda scared me he said "whenever your ready" sorry to burst his bubble but I have no plans on having anymore anytime soon just my one is enough. If I had any more it would just be 1 more that's it I don't know right now I'm taking it one day at a time with him that's all I know to do. I am however going to talk him into setting off fireworks for my son 4th of July weekend since its harder to do when you live on a busy street I'm sure I can talk him into it. Well I'm off to bed I have a busy day tomorrow

Friday

2010-05-07T19:58:00.000-07:00

I really didn't know what to put as the title today. It's been a pretty good day. I sold 2 4oz jars of bath salts for $8.00 but got a tip so after subtracting the cost of materials i made $8.10. Needless to say I was very happy. First time something has sold if I could sell at least that much everyday I would be so thrilled. Kris had a good day at school which was good. He's up on level 3 where they want him to be. He has 3 weeks left of school he's excited. This summer looks like it is going to be a pretty busy one. I know of 3 craft fairs that me and a friend are planning on setting up together at and sharing a booth. She makes jewlry and i do the bath products. There's one here in town in July it's the 4th of July Festival we were going to do the hot dog festival but we thought it was way to expensive to set up at its $50 for the booth space and it had to be turned in before June so IDK if I could come up with money by selling some products I might go ahead and set up but I doubt it. Then in Aug there's the Old Hickory Days in Colfax and then End of Summer in Rossville that we are going to try to set up. Old Hickory Days is only $20 I still need to call about the other 2 this next week but today I got so busy doing other things and had a customer stop by to pick up his order for his wife for mother's day. It was someone I knew so I was cool with them showing up to pick it up instead of shipping it out or meeting somewhere else. His wife thinks something is going on cuz she saw a txt msg with just an address on it when she finally see's what he has been up to she'll be thrilled and I'm sure she'll email me and be ok with it all. She knows I've known him since high school and he's always been just a friend not my type. Today I did decide that I would rather be single and loney than be with someone that makes me feel loney. Come Sept. it would be 5 years of being on and off with this guy and yes I love him but he doesn't feel the same. I see him on weekends only even though we live in the same city. I just can't deal with it anymore and I shouldnt have to. I should be able to find someone who loves me for me and doesn't want just sex. Oh well I guess I will just grow old alone and enjoy it at least I can do what I want and see who I want and hang out with the girls and no one get pissy. Well Kris is going to help me make up some bath salts in morning so we can start getting things made up and see if they will sell soon.

hmmmm

2010-04-16T17:19:00.000-07:00

Ok so after not speaking to a good friend in about 2 years they email me on myspace blew my mind. Don't get me wrong i've missed talking to this person. They gave me their number so we've been txting off and on for 2 days however I feel so bad because he is married. I mean none of the txt messages have been in any form of cheating just two friends catching up nothing sexual or anything like that but I do feel bad just because I know so many women seem to jump to the conclusion their man is cheating on them if a girl from their past txts them. Hell I grew up down at his house when we were kids he's like a brother to me his younger sister was one of my best friends for so many years until she moved to KY then we lost touch but she emailed me too so that made me happy. Right now I am single but not really single I don't know its kinda of complicated. We've been on and off again for going on 5 years he says its just sex but yet sometimes i wonder cuz all of his friends call me his woman and he doesn't argue but at the same time the guy that emailed me out of the blue is one that i would have loved to have been with and not sexually speaking but I guess that will never happen lol oh well i dont know i guess i just want someone to tell me its not completely wrong to talk to someone who is just a friend even though he's not married and they are going through a rough patch. Fuck it i dont know what to think. Well I'm off to curl up with my teddy and cry just because im confused and dont know who i can talk to cuz everyone wants to judge me lately and im so tired of it and so hurt at the same time.

Home again

2010-03-24T05:54:00.000-07:00

Ok so vacation was good short but good. I think we have everything unpacked but who knows. Right now Kris is playing with his new legos he got trying to build one of the star wars ships not sure the name didn't really look much at the box. I still have one small bag to unpack it has shampoo,conditioner body wash and makeup and a few other things nothing major if it don't get done today its not that big of a deal since its just the small bottles and we have the big bottles in the bathroom. I think I am getting sick now however I woke up with my throat so sore I just want to cry. Oh well. I got to get ready to get dressed for the day need to go to the store to get food or no one will be eating today lol.

Almost vacation time

2010-03-19T15:07:00.000-07:00

Ok so here it is the Friday before we leave on our little vacation. I am so ready. The bags are packed and the only things left is to pack last min things such as meds and toothbrushes and stuff like that. Kris is all excited about going to the lego store on Monday. I'm just hopeing the drive is a good one. Tonight its about resting up so I can get up in the morning and double check everything oh what fun. On top of that Kris got his progress report today (didn't know it was time for one) He got a C in reading again (he is also a grade level behind most 2nd graders due to learning disabilities) he brought home a C in spelling I know he can do better than that he spells very good at home I think its because they can't read his writing since he hates writing. then an A- in Math. those are the only three subjects they give them letter grades in. I don't know I think its all a little screwy but that's just my opion and I try not to say too much cuz I would prob. go off on them about shit. Well I guess I better get going gonna lay down and watch some tv till I fall asleep.

Busy week

2010-03-16T11:13:00.001-07:00

This week seems so busy. Today I had a meeting and had to transfer bath stuff to bottles for vacation. Tomorrow Kris has his case coordinator that comes to the house and then therapy an hour later plus my birthday oh what joy. Thurs. I need to make sure all the laundry is done up and start figuring out what all to take as far as clothes and get trash gathered up. Friday pack suitcase, give dog a bath, give kid a bath. Got to figure out how to keep the kid up most of the night so he'll be able to sleep Saturday evening in the truck and sleep in Saturday morning as we wont be able to leave till that evening due to my mom's work. So much to get done but I'm super excited. Kris is on countdown mode. Well I'm off to see why the dog is whinning then get my workout in before Kris gets home from school.

The Countdown

2010-03-11T11:34:00.000-08:00

Ok so my son woke me up at 5 this morning to tell me he has one week and one day after today before he gets away from school for a week and he gets to go to the lego store. Wow at 5 am the last thing I want to hear is that I will get him for 9 straight days with no school time oh well just means summer is coming. Really haven't been up to too much other than working on getting things ready for vacation and going through toys while he's not home. I did manage to run a lil over 5 miles in under 30 mins. big improvement for me my goal for April is to run at least 6 miles in under 30 mins so we will see. Plus to lose about 10 lbs before May but I won't hold my breathe on that. Well got to get ready to pick my lil man up from school then come home for dinner and homework time OH JOY!!!!!

TGIF I think

2010-03-05T18:54:00.000-08:00

So it's friday which meant pizza and movie night at home which is good to have a routine with my son. He rented a sponge bob movie couldn't tell you what it was about i guess after hearing so much of it on tv i have learned to zone out during the movie lol. I rented couples retreat was not very happy about it. The previews looked so much better. Oh well. Last weekend was a wild weekend. I went out at a DD for a guy friend of mine since he was home on leave. He left Tuesday and will be gone for 3 more months. It was nice seeing him and a few others. And of course made plans with my sort of ex and one of his friends Ian and ian's old lady for the 27th which is the second Sat. after my bday to go out for my bday which works for me since I will be leaving on the 20th for Vacation. I can't wait to get away for awhile and not have to stress about the house work or anything else. I've been so stressed lately i dont know which way is up or down. I feel like everyone expect more from me than what i can give. Just stupid shit. Tomorrow night I'm going out to see a movie with a guy named Tony this will be date number4 I think. He's a nice guy but he's not Tim! I cant wait till the 27th to go out with Tim and Ian and shannon I think it will be lots of fun. Hopefully Tim's brother Brandon will be going as my DD this time like he promised last weekend that way I am able to drink. It's been since Sept. since i've had any alochol which is good but there are times that I wish i could have a drink but oh well. I've been working out like crazy lately got to get back in shape before summer lol. Today I was able to run 7 miles which is pretty good and i realize fat people like me should not run. But man did it feel good till i got done and then my legs felt like Jell-O really not a good feeling. Oh well i guess I better get going that way i can get to bed and get up and get my workout in before getting ready for a date.

Two-faced

2010-02-23T16:29:00.000-08:00

I am so sick of half the population. Now I know why I have more guy friends than anything they don't seem to be as much of backstabbin two faced bitches. I love how female friends just call because they are having problems in their life but yet when you need a friend to talk to they are no where around. I am supposed to feel so sorry for people who just keep fucking up their own lives on their own instead of taking a step back. This friend has been with this guy for 2 years now and having another pregnancy scare oh and she just got fired from her job oh yea and he's never had a job. Ok so my life isn't perfect and I make mistakes and try to learn from them. I asked her if she was using protection and she said no GO FIGURE!!!!!! she's not even 21 yet and he hasn't had a job ever (that I know of) She moved out of her parents house and got an apartment with this guy and stopped talking to me till today and i'm thinking hmm don't you know where babies come from and why would you want to be with someone who could care less about getting a job. Ok i understand this economy SUCKS ASS!!!!!! but seriously you could at least try to find a job. I've been looking for awhile just haven't found anything that i'm qualified for go figure but at least i'm trying and i've had jobs in the past it's not my fault that zachary's goes on lay off every freakin year. I told her she needs to make him use protection since neither of them are working and can't afford a baby and she throws it in my face about my miscarriage a lil over a year ago but here's the kicker I do use protection things happen sometimes thats just the way it worked and if it would have been a full term pregnancy Him and I would have been able to take care of the child since he has a job and has had one for awhile from my understanding he did change to a new job but thats totally different. I dont know maybe i'm just tired of being the person that everyone bitches to but when something is going on in my life the only one I can talk to is the computer cuz no one else wants to hear. Sorry but I've got my own problems. I mean come on your engaged to this guy who isn't helping to pay bills or even pay for a wedding that's a big red flag. Money isn't everything I know this but I wouldn't want to be in a relationship where I had to pay for everything all the time you know if the person was laid off and having a hard time getting a job due to the economy thats one thing but because they are lazy fuck that shit! This dude doesn't even have his GED or a diploma at least I have my diploma. I don't think i've ever been with someone who didn't have at least their GED except while I was in school and that's totally different. Ok now that i've bitched I think i'll go workout for an hour then head to bed since my shows wont be back on till next Tuesday

It's been awhile

2010-02-18T21:07:00.000-08:00

Ok nothing major going on in my world here lately. Have had 2 dates with a nice guy but nothing serious at all not really looking for anything at the moment too much other stuff to deal with. Had a case conference at school this past monday for kris loads of fun let me tell you. Have the final one for the school year in April which will know more about how they are going to handle next year for him. I guess they've been taking him over to the green meadows side (3rd thru 5th grade) to get him prepared. They are going to try to get him use to the resource room teacher over there and the principle that way maybe when school starts back up in the fall he doesn't have such a hard time since it will be new people for him. But it's all a waiting game. Counting down the days till our small vacation to MN to see mall of america can't wait. Kris is all excited about going to the lego store i'm just excited about going somewhere i've never been but always wanted to go its part of my bday present from me to me lol since I can't do anything for my bday have no friends to go out with plus my son has therapy that day so looks like no family dinner either stupid therapist lol sometimes i hate going cuz he seems to think im doing something wrong but he has been super good at home its at school that he's had the problem and its normally when his schedual gets changed and he shuts down for the day. He seems to have to be on a certain schedual or he freaks out. Breakfast lunch and Dinner has to be at a certain time and at school they have a picture thing hanging up so he knows at what time he does what like writting and reading and PT and OT and all the other stuff and when things have to change for some reason or another then he has a hard time dealing with it. Sometimes i think he has a small case of OCD but i doubt it lol. Oh well. I think I have till April or maybe May before he sees the doc for the meds which have not been changed in about a year so that's a plus to finally be getting progress on that end I think. Maybe things are finally getting better but I wont hold my breathe cuz about time I think things are great they go WRONG. well it's late and i should be asleep but stupid Mt. Dew kept me awake first one in over 3 months!!!

First of the year

2010-01-01T07:05:00.001-08:00

Oh boy another year. Three more years and I'll hit that good old 30 age YUCK! So another year of being alone at new years really hoping this year is better. Kris was asleep way before midnight like about 7:30ish I however was sort of up at midnight trying to fall asleep but it wasn't working very well was too busy watching Burn Notice. I didn't really set any resolutions this year. I did set some goals some that could easily happen. Lose about 20lbs this year and find a job that isn't just a temp job. This being laid off shit sucks!!!!!! Well I'm off to get some other things done like my workout now that the kid is done with the wii for now.

Just bummed

2009-08-12T16:09:00.001-07:00

Así que sé que ha sido un rato desde que yo he anunciado un blog pero he habido mucho pasando y realmente no tiene indicio donde comenzar. Im perdiendo lentamente el peso que no es bueno pero tan rápidamente como querría. En julio yo fui al lado de mi padre reunión familiar que usted habla de sentirse impar. Sentía realmente como yo no perteneció como todo fui fue niño del amor de mi padre tan probablemente acostumbrado hace eso otra vez. En las últimas semanas yo he tenido varios hit de machos en mí y bonito mucho pide sexo. ¡Lo siento que yo no soy una MUJERZUELA! !!!!! Yo tan soy cansado de chavos está justo como pero usted no estuvo con él por qué mí. Quizá porque yo me puse quiero a o quizá porque el corazón pertenece al someoen aunque yo no sea supuesto a. ¡Uno de ellos sucede ser un chavo que he sabido para lo que se siente como jamás y él conoce a muchos los chavos que feché y siempre he sido esta manera hacia mí pero puedo parecer conseguir la insinuación NOOOOOOOO que soy hola si todo deseé fue sexo que podría tener ningún pinche tiempo yo deseé pero eso no es lo que Iwant! !!!!!! Yo realmente deseo realmente una oportunidad con el hombre que posee el corazón. es eso realmente preguntar demasiado. Adivino que soy justo fustrated con mucho material. Por lo menos yo todavía trabajo y Kris vuelve a la escuela pronto. Bien iré tan puedo conseguir algún sueño para el trabajo.

Been awhile

2009-08-02T16:12:00.000-07:00

So today is the 2nd day of Aug. We have busy weeks coming up mainly just the first part of it. Tomorrow we have our boy scout meeting then the following Monday we go in for school registration they do not have the lists posted yet of what the kids will need go figure it's frankfort's schools. Kris will go back to school on the 19th and of course I will not be there on his first day because I can't afford to miss any days I am trying hard to get hired on full time this year but who knows. Not a lot going on other than that and always working and enjoying my weekends as much as I can. This past week we went and saw G-force 3-D it was pretty good we went one day right after work instead of waiting for the weekend so there weren't many people there helped Kris out ALOT! He doesn't go back to see his therapist till later in the month and won't see the Dr. till Oct. for his meds so that must mean they think he is doing better. From a year ago MUCH better from 2 years ago MUCH MUCH better it's just taking time. When he's tired or there's too much going on or a large crowd seems to be when he acts up the most so we are learning how to try to avoid most of those kinds of situations can't avoid them all the time but learning how to help him cope with it. I did get a new phone this weekend with a full keyboard still same number and still a virgin mobile but i like the phone although i think you have to be really smart to figure out some of the stuff on it. We got to looking at it and it works with T-coil which would be great for my mom because of the hearing aids we've never had a phone that will work with her hearing aids so she's thinking about going ahead and getting a second one plus she could learn to text on this one better than the other one since she now knows how to im. I'm working on trying to get her up to speed with all this newage stuff LOL. Well I need to get going so I can get a few things done before bed. Busy busy busy day tomorrow.

First week done!!!

2009-06-12T13:05:00.000-07:00

So yea today is Friday so happy it is. I am sore in places I forgot could get sore lol. My first week of being back at work is finally done. Next friday will be better its called PAYDAY!!! Kris is very excited about that cuz I told him we could go to Monkey Joe's that night so he could play after I stop and pay a couple of bills. Not much going on right now. Wed. was his last day of school he will be going to a couple of special classes this summer nothing too long. I think he has one in June that will last 3 or 4days like 2 hrs each day the he has 2 in July that are for 2 weeks a total of 4 hours a day (2hrs each) He's looking forward to that. His teachers sent home papers for him to work on during summer plus mamaw is going to make him practice writing everyday (m-f) and he has to read at least one book a day to help him imporve. Since they changed his meds back and he got his glasses his reading is starting to improve. He's still a little behind but that is understandable. His writing however SUCK. I swear my son could be a doc. the way he writes. You can not read it at all lol. He hates writing he says it makes his hand hurt. Well hell I hate packing mints it makes my back, arms and hands hurt not count feet from standing on concrete for 9 hrs a day around no one that speaks english but yet i've been up every morning at 4 am for work. This morning I had to push myself but I think thats cuz I knew it was Friday.
He did start the whole boy scout thing this week. During summer they only have meetings every other week so thats nice. At least they are in the evening hours and it will give him a chance to be around other boys his age. He has 1 missing tooth right now and the one next to it is ready to come out plus one of the top front teeth is a little lose soon he's going to look a little silly if he looses all 4 of the very front teeth without the big ones comeing in lol. Well I think that's all i got for today. I need to head off to bn.com to see if they have any new Murder She Wrote books in so i can try to get one for mom since her bday is next month. Maybe I'll have more another week.

Being female sucks

2009-06-03T14:49:00.000-07:00

Ok yes I hate PMS more than anything in the world. At this moment in time i think childbirth natural without drugs sounds like more fun than bleeding for what feels like forever. I am supposed to be hanging out the a couple of friends this weekend since im the DD what a wonderful job let me tell u NOT. I'd rather be the one drinking and let one of the boys stay sober but no whatever Im just a good friend since one of them is only home on leave for a week before heading off to go overseas the only reason we are really going out this weekend anyways. Which means I get to stay the night with the man of my dreams even though we are not together but like i really care. He's mine no other little bitch is gonna touch him cuz i'll beat her little face in and well he's already said no one better mess with me but yet he dont want a commitment so whatever. I really cant say we are together but yet we aint seein anyone else its kind of complicated but i wouldnt trade it for the world. I go back to work finally on Monday at 6:30am can't freakin wait the bad part is my son has his first Tiger cub scout metting that night at 6:30 so not only do i have to work and bust my ass for 9 hours then i get to turn around and climb 3 flights of stairs to be in the same room with a bunch of little brats lol oh well it will be good for him. They have a camping trip in July so mommy gets to buy a tent and learn how to set it up there better be some damn pictures to go with this tent otherwise it might not get put up lol. Now I get why people say i need to settle down and get married so the guy can go and do this stuff with Kris. Oh well if i can fix the vaccum cleaner on my own without the instructions surly i can read the instructions and figure out how to put the damn tent together we'll see that should be very interesting let me tell you. Hopefully when im trying mom wont be anywhere near with the cam cuz that would be wrong lol. Today really seems like my day to bitch. I love this guy more than i thought i could ever love any guy and things are good the way they are cuz we are both trying to make our lives good that way if we decide in the near future to settle down then we'll be ok and not having to struggle as hard as we are now and with Kris having adhd he's afraid to get too involved with me incase it doesnt work out he doesnt want to slow down the progress that Kris has done so far which is good that he is thinkin that way but i do wish i could see him more. My friend has started seeing someone recently now shes blowing me off for him and then the one night we are supposed to hang out just the two of us she calls to tell me im bring jeffy with me wtf of course im pmsing and trying to be calm so i said whatever but thats bull shit i dont want to see two people makeout all night when i already feel like crap when i cant even talk or see mine till this weekend because he's spending this week with Gabe (which i support 110%) because we dont know if Gabe will come back or not cuz he's on the front line so im a little worried about that cuz he's an amazing guy and a great friend and I know how close him and Tim are and if something were to happen i really dont know how tim would handle it. When Tim's brother went overseas back in Nov. he pushed me away cuz he was afraid of everything but Gabe has tried to help him see that pushing me away isn't going to help anything that im an amazing girl and he should see what he has in front of him before its too late and a bunch of other stuff im not sure if i believe it or not sometimes but oh well. I do hope Tim gets his head out of his ass soon that way he can see that im not here to hurt him that i support him in every way. Ok now that i've bitched for a little while im going to go lay down for a little bit my back hurts and I hate cramps. MEN SHOULD HAVE PERIODS NOT WOMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I dunno

2009-05-23T10:54:00.001-07:00

Yea today is Sat. joy joy Kris has 3 day weekend and we aint doin nada no money to really do anything. Took a walk today from my house to the TPA park it sounded like fun gave Kris something to do. WE took the dog no big deal she likes going for walks. We get all the way to the park then he complains my feet hurt the playground is too hot oh then the nice little stand opens that sells the drinks so it was "mommy i want" well mommy has no money hello big red truck. So he throws a fit and we head home the whole way home is bitchin its hot my feet hurt blah blah blah. Then we get home great or so I thought I plugged my fan in and it didnt want to work at first i wasnt happy. I'm really hoping today gets better if not im going to scream. Oh and to top things off rent a center knows we dont go to pay until afternoon after 3 and do they care no they want to try to call me at 10 fucking o'clock in the morning to tell me i need to pay hello i'm not late till after they close DUH! Ok i'm going to go lay down now and watch tv and get fat well ok not the fat part but u know. Later

Really do not understand the male population

2009-05-13T05:55:00.000-07:00

U know i've tried to figure them out and they dont make any sense to me. All my guy friends keep saying guys are so much easier to understand than the female population I do not believe that. For example I have fallen for a guy who to me is wonderful except right now cuz god only knows what has crawled up his ass. We've known each other for 11 yrs and have been on and off for 3 1/2 yrs. I go to bed thinking about him. Things were going really good we spend about 3 weekends in a row together mainly cuz 2 of those i was the DD cuz his best friend was leaving for military. Then I made dinner and took him food on Wed 2 days before his bday gave him a movie, and a 6 pack of MGD plus the card. Then i sent him a text friday early early early morning to tell him happy bday and he said thnx since then I have not heard from him. I had sent a text on Sat. to see if he wanted to hang out sometime this week no reply. Wed. was better than i thought it would be. Normally he sits on one side of the room and i sit on the other side but this time we sat next to each other the whole night and then when it was nite time he actually carried me into the bedroom which was a first. I woke up the next morning with him still holding on to me and thats not like him so why the hell is he being a dick now? Everytime I think i'm getting closer to him he pushes me away like this and i dont know what to do. I dont really want a relationship right now i like what we have going on it is what it is i cant explain it. But i love the fun we have. I can actually be me and not have to worry about talking to someone and him getting mad. We made a promise that if either of us wanted to see someone we would tell the other person and we've been real good about keeping that i just want to know if hes acting this way cuz there is someone he wants i dont know im so tired of trying to figure him out.

IT'S ALL WHATEVER

2009-05-05T15:45:00.000-07:00

So yes that's my new motto just because well i got it from my good friend Gabe who better come back to us all in one damn piece and alive. He just left on Monday he'll be gone for 20 months. I'm not sure what Tim is going to do with himself cuz that's his best friend I guess that just means i'll have to go over and see him more often (i really wont mind). Kris had his first eye appt today and well lets just say in 10 business days he will have his own glasses. He picked out his frames today they are blue go figure. I am going with my best friend (Alisha) tomorrow to see about CNA classes i'm tired of not working and not having any money then tomorrow night I'm going over to Tim's making him dinner and watching a movie his b-day is this friday and i wont be able to see him because of my mom schedual but that's ok i'm making up for it he gets dinner tomorrow and Thurs. from me. Plus i'll prob. get him some beer for his b-day with the money that I have saved up and earned. Other than that not a lot going on. I think things between him and i are finally starting to look official. I mean hell in the last 3 1/2 years he has only kissed one other girl. I'm the only one he's ever had sleeping in his bed and his best friend keeps calling me his old lady and he doesn't correct them so maybe i'm finally getting lucky. Well i'm out of here for now i got some things to get done real quick have a wonderful week.

Almost the end

2009-04-25T15:53:00.000-07:00

So it's almost the end of april. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not. Kris still has all of may and a few days in June before school is out for him then i think they are going to put him in summer school. They changed his meds again. He's became very aggressive lately they put him on a new schedual he now only goes to school till 11:30. The docs says the next step is rehibilitation i'm not sure i like that or not but if thats what it has to be then it has to be cuz he dont need to go around hitting people for no reason. Tonight i'm getting ready to go out with a couple guy friends i get to be the wonderful DD joy joy. I guess they should feel lucky that i am not a big drinker lol. The only reason they are going out is cuz one of them will be shipping out in a couple weeks in fact next weekend is his last full weekend home and i think they are planning on going to the Titty bar that night but who knows. Not much else is going on. Just the same old same. Well i guess i should prob. get dressed and start thinking about how i'm going to do my hair i mean come on you know us girls it will take us at least 5 hours to get ready LOL I"m not that bad I promise

EEG news

2009-04-15T15:26:00.001-07:00

Ok so we went and talked to the peditrician today about the test results from his EEG. and the test results showed nothing was wrong. My question is then why is he blacking out??????? We were supposed to have a case conference friday but got a paper today saying it was cancelled but they didn't say why just that it would be reschedualed but for who knows when. Which is ok i guess but hello what about those of us who are trying to find a job i can't wait till the last mintue to schedual a damn meeting... oh well... Other than that not much else is planned for this week which is good cuz it gives me time to plan my Sat. night plans out a little bit more man oh man is HE ever going to have a wonderful surprise maybe i'll go buy a pair of fishnet stockings to go with my mini skirt:) maybe he might like it too much though. well have a good week

Easter Weekend

2009-04-11T14:00:00.000-07:00

Wow this year is really going fast. It's already almost easter yeppiiii..... Nothing major planned this weekend. Took Kris easter egg hunting today fun fun IT WAS FUCKING FREEZEING!!!!!!!!! mental note do not believe the weather man when he says its 60 degrees cuz in reality it was only 45 degrees and i'm outside in capri's and sandles omg talk about toes being frozen. The place we went was horriable the damn adults need to stay the hell out of the way and let the kids pick up the damn candy themselves. I hate parents who go out in the field with their child especiall the age group that Kris was in. Got to take mom back into work here in a few mins so she can get the cakes done for tomorrow so she doesn't have to work tomorrow. Then hopefully later tonight I'll be hangin with someone special who means a lot to me. Then tomorrow coming home who knows when to do the whole easter egg hunt and easter basket with the kid. This next week is going to be a little busy. We go to see the doc on Tues. to get results from the EEG!!! then we have a case conference at school on Friday joy joy. Well gonna bounce need to shave my legs and fix my makeup so i at least look a little hot lol

Stay up all night

2009-04-02T17:37:00.001-07:00

Ok so tomorrow we take Kris to Kokomo to the Howard County Hospital to get his EEG done just happens to be the place that the doc. is that medicaid will cover for the test bunch of bs but hey i'll do whatever i need to do. Tonight however is going to suck major ass. We have to keep him up all night. that way at 10 am tomorrow morning he is tired enough to go to sleep to have the test done. That is going to be so hard especially on the way to Kokomo tomorrow since he usually falls asleep when we drive to Lafayette at Kokomo is just as far if not farther to get to the hospital. I just hope they figure out what is going on. Oh the other wonderful thing this week is they did the food allergy test and he's not allergic to any food. He did however have problems at school yesterday he was trying to hit his helper and hit another child instead in the chest so today he was suspended he could go back tomorrow however he's not going to since we have the appt at 10 in the morning and he'll be cranky so he'll go back to school on Monday joy joy let me tell you. They better figure out soon what is going on because i dont know how much more i can take of him acting the way he does. they say not to spank your child but i'm to the point now that i dont care he needs a good ass beaten maybe that will get it through his head. I've tried everything. takeing things away, not letting him do fun things really what more do i need to do. Damn i could use a drink right about now URG... well i'm off so i can figure out something to do with him to stay awake i'll post later.

Update about Kris

2009-03-21T13:24:00.000-07:00

Ok so we got the refferal for the EEG for Kris. It will be done on April 3rd at 10 am. Its for sleep deprevation so he'll have to stay up the night before all night so that by 10 am he's ready to fall asleep sounds like a lot of fun NOT. But at least they are getting it done. I wont know anything else until then or some time after that. The down side is he misses a full day of school and spring pictures at school and that night they are having a movie night for the kids at school he'll be way too tired to go. But it needs done. Right now he's on spring break Wed. we will be heading down to Indy for a trip to the children's museum. He's so excited. Well i'm off to get dinner started and see if i can get the dishes done and maybe get the laundry started.

very quick update

2009-03-15T13:44:00.000-07:00

so we had our case conference on friday basically they are wondering if there is more than ADHD going on with Kris. So the therapist is going to talk to the doctor and see if it is possible to get him down for a neurological test. we've tried 4 different meds so far and we are starting to run out of options with everything. We go to see the doc. and the therapist the same day (Thursday) So MAYBE i will know more then. Other than that we have nothing going on this week. basically just another week. Well got to go get dinner started. Have a good week.

just another day

2009-03-12T10:14:00.000-07:00

This week has been so long i just wish it was over. Right now i'm really glad i'm not working. I've been at the school every day this week to pick him up early because of complications. We have our case conference tomorrow with the school and his therapist but i dont know how much good thats going to do because his therapist is an ass. He just keeps telling me i'm doing something wrong because he doesn't see the behavior that kris shows at school at home well no fucking shit dumbass you take him to the play room and he gets to fucking play theres not other kids in there. His therapist keeps saying he's going to go to school and observe hasn't done that yet. The assistant principle is getting fed up with the therapist because she wants him to come and see what kris is like at school. I know he's not a bad kid and everyone else keeps telling me its not my fault but i feel like it is. We all think there is more than ADHD going on but no one listens to me i mean come on i'm a young single mom with no college degree. Who's going to believe me or even take time to listen to what i have to say no one. maybe i did mess things all up and i didnt mean to. i really don't know how to fix him or help him anymore than i am. i feel like i keep hitting a brick wall. then i have people riding my ass because i have no desire to get out and date and settle down well no fucking shit who's going to want a single mom who has a child with adhd and acts like he does sometimes. He's kinda been blacking out at school and will push the table around the room and then finally come back and not remember doing it at all. that's not a good sign. Well i guess i'm bitched enough and should probably go see what i'm going to fix for dinner tonight and see if he's going to help me to earn money to get the legos he wants.

been a week

2009-03-01T17:04:00.000-08:00

So we have now had our wonderful puppy for a week. This week has kind of blown by. The down side is that i've been so busy trying to get everything up and going and trying to potty train princess that I let my exercise routine go for the week which isn't good. I bought a new swimsuite a couple of weeks ago (ok i look horrible in it right now cuz i'm FAT) it's so cute i love it. Now i just got to lose the weight so that it will look hot on me:) Kris has adjusted to the puppy very nicely they play before and after school everyday. He was able to take her to Petsmart on Friday and got her a new toy, a shirt, and a name tag. He thought he was a big boy. Well I guess I better get going I still have a lot to get done. Need to put a business website together just really don't know where to start at the moment i'm sure i can figure it out sometime. Have a great week to all

Monday is almost over

2009-02-16T16:02:00.000-08:00

Ok so today has not been a very good day at all. I had an appt. to get my hair permed and the lady yesterday told me my hair was long enough for the spiral. Well she ended up not being there today and when we went in the lady that was there was very rude and told me that only hair that is half way down your back can be spiral. So i said screw it. Went over to walmart to pick up my BC which got done earlier than they had said it would made me kinda happy other than i had to spend $60 for it oh well. Went to get mom a couple of shirts they didn't have any that she wanted no big deal. Got home to check my unemployment and it said i was denied for this week. I freaked out and wanted to know why. After about an hour on the phone on hold found out that it was cuz the computer had a glitch over the weekend and should have my money tomorrow. Well i had also taken the trash out this morning oh yea they didn't run nice to know that after hauling it all out there. The truck needs spark plugs finally got ahold of the machanic he will be changing those on Wed. Oh and the fridgerator BROKE!!!!!!! Travis (our landlord) wont be by till Wed. Thank goodness we have the small fridge. Oh and kris had a bad day at school. Its been a battle to get his meds down him the last few days so that's prob. why he's having a bad day. But to make my day brighter we have 6 days till we pick our wonderful new puppy up. Kris is all happy about it. Its a boston Terrier/ Beagle mix. She's so cute. She will be 8 weeks old on Sunday and we will be picking her up on Sunday. It's about a 3 hour drive one way. But thats ok. His therapist thinks it might help him more than we think so we'll see. I'm going to try to post the pic on here I hope it works. Well ok i've bitched enough I guess. OH yea i got my tax check and well got a lot of stuff that we needed and some things we didn't The wii fit is cool. Well have a nice week

Below Zero

2009-01-16T06:26:00.000-08:00

Ok so for the last two days now the kids have been out of school due to weather. I don't remember it being this cold the past few years. A lot of damn snow on the ground YUCK!!!! oh and to top it off its been below zero here. It prob. wouldn't be so bad but half the heaters in this house doesn't work. at least we have a space heater. the windows in my room suck because the wind just blows right through them so last night Kris and I had a sleep over party in the living room where the space heater is:) He was happy that he didnt have to go to school yesterday or today. We still had to leave the house however he had the doc. appt for his meds yesterday and goes to see Dan (therapist) today. But other than that its all been about trying to stay warm. He kicked mine and my friends butt in monopoly yesterday (he is really good at it on the wii, computer and board game) so i think later today after we get back we might play the wii and bowl for a little while to warm up a little bit. Mom has been playing a little on the wii even though she hates playing games. But she likes to bowl so kris has talked her into playing a little. Other than that i think thats all that is going on right now. I think i'm going to go back to the living room where its warmer.

Another week of fustration

2009-01-12T04:17:00.000-08:00

Ok so this week is starting off real bad. Yesterday was Sunday and that's the day i file my weekly claim on unemployment I still have 10 weeks left of it however when i logged on yesterday there was no link that said "file weekly claim" only "homepage", and "file new claim" well mom got on looking to see if she could figure out what was going on and went to a total different page and clicked on file new claim well since i was still logged on that started a whole new claim for me so i have to wait till after 8 this morning to call them and well last week when it didn't show that i was approved i tried calling and it was busy finally it went through online to show i was getting paid. Its just a freakin pain in the ass. At least mom will be home in time to put kris on the bus so i can stay in here trying to call them and deal with their crap. I just hope i can get through this morning.

Ok anyways i saw something yesterday while we were in Lafayette that kind of made me laugh. It was a sticker on an older guys truck it said: M.Y.O.F.B. which stand for mind your own fucking business.

Back to school

2009-01-06T03:36:00.000-08:00

So Kris went back to school yesterday he was so excited in the morning. From what i can tell he did pretty well going back to school. He brougt home 3 sad faces on his paper but they happened about the time area that meds were starting to wear off. other than that not a lot went on. I went to walmart yesterday JUST to walk around. Today mom has somethings she has to go get done while he's at school so i'm giong to tag along with her cuz its better than sitting around the house and getting fat. well i got to get the kid fed and dressed later

A New Year

2009-01-03T05:17:00.000-08:00

Ok so yea I know this is like what 2 days past new years or something like that. Well we didn't have internet connection on New Years day which was really no big deal i just laid around all day thinking about things. Well I don't really believe in new years resolutions because well everyone seems to always break them mainly because they set them where they are not realistically able to complete like falling for mr. right. YEAH RIGHT that takes time duh. But I did set one for this year but i've also set goal stages to do the main one. My New Years Eve I will be in my 7's no questions asked. I don't really have that far to go but I'm very determined plus i set it so that I lose so much each month. Not counting putting a picture in my room to help. I figure if i can lose about 15lbs by my birthday (or more) then i'll treat myself to getting my nails done or go tanning. Then if i can lose at least another 10 by time Kris finishes school in June I'll go shopping and buy 1 new outfit. Small goals and small steps but I will get there. Plus my other one is to get a job ok that shouldn't be too hard if i get desperate i could always go to fast food but i'm trying not to! There's been no point up to now to look for a job because it was holiday time. But Kris goes back to school on Monday and well i'm tired of being at home all the time. We did go and see a movie yesterday mom to us to see Me & Marele it was pretty cute until the end and then it was sad:(. I want to go see Bloody Valentine when it comes out cuz its 3-D but got to see if one of my guy friends will go cuz its supposed to be scary. Kris is so ready to go back to school on monday. He wanted to go back the day after Christmas he doesn't really understand he gets 2 weeks off for the holidays. But i'm glad he loves school so much he wants to go back. Other than that theres not a lot going on. We have a case conference at school next friday for Kris so that should be a lot of fun NOT. I hate those things they are so boring its all repeat stuff. Kris does however wants to learn Karate i'm not sure if thats such a good idea but sure why not maybe it will teach him disapline. I have noticed lately that his hands shake more than what they should so i got to call his doc. this week and see about getting him in to find out what is going on. I'm not sure if its the meds he's on or if maybe he's going to be diabetic because usually if he eats something they stop again so i'm not sure what is going on. Plus got to find him a dentest to go see oh boy he's going to love that NOT. No lose tooth yet at all. He still has all of his baby teeth as of right now. Well I guess i better get going so he can get on the computer he's been complaining for at least 20 mins. that i'm taking too long checking my mail opps. lol

Finally it's over

2008-12-26T13:30:00.001-08:00

Ok So yea Christmas is finally over i know that's bad that i'm excited its over. Now this weekend it will be bye bye to the tree till next year :) Kris seemed to have a pretty good christmas. He got 3 0r 4 Bakugan books (maybe now he'll work on his reading more so he can read them haha) he got a long sleeve Bakugan Shirt he's so happy about that. a new thing to play bakugan on along with some balls. My friend Alisha got him Bakugan cards man was he ever happy which made her feel really good because her little sister hurt her feeling. She had bought her little sister a couple different things nothing major really didn't have a lot of money to spend on everyone which i understand that feeling we told her not to worry about getting Kris something but she says she can't leave her little man out but anyways when her sister opened the gifts from her she went through them like "have it" or "don't have it" then after that said "is that all" ok mind you she is a year younger than Kris. Kris has never acted like that. He takes what he gets and is very thankful for them which is good. We tricked him and had hidden all the presents and left only 1 out and told him that santa must have thought he wasn't very good this year. The only thing he did was open it and said that's ok mommy i love what he brought me i was amazed. I would have been yeah right where the hell is the rest of them lol. I got all my christmas presents early (only cuz i picked them out haha) I got the CSI game for the DS LOVE IT!!! CSI is the best:) I also got a new Blender (yes that's sad it was on my christmas list for one of those and a new vaccum how sad is that) and I got a new mp3 player (it was under $40 at best buy when we got it and its a 4GB the 2GB was about $60 hmm let me think about that one. No I don't like the actual Ipods they are way too expensive) Oh and Alisha got me a CSI book:) plus some crossword puzzle books so now i have things to keep me busy lol. I feel bad cuz Kris and I have yet to go get family pictures done in about 2 years now. Maybe we'll go the Sunday before he goes back to school. He's getting a hair cut on Sunday he just don't know it yet haha. Well i'm off to finish cleaning the kitchen I"ve been working on scrubbing the floor off and on all day lol

Later

New week

2008-12-08T07:42:00.001-08:00

So today is a new week and last week i was cleared by the doc to go back to any routine. I also got on the pill (YAZ) i got a free sample from his office last week and today i go to pick up my prescribtion from the pharmacy can't wait to see how much that's gonna cost me. My friend got on the pill the same day (but something else) and its about $40 a month why the hell is birth control so expensive damn. I mean condoms are somewhat cheaper depending on how many times you have to buy them. But at least with birth control pill it will help regulate periods and your moods which is a good thing i think. Today i started a new diet and routine. Get up about a half hour before Kris to get a small workout done (mainly crunches belly needs to go bye bye) then after he leaves for school i'm free to get anything else done. So far today its been pretty productive. washed my bed sheets and remade the bed took a shower and did my makeup got ready to go to the store as soon as mom gets home from work which she should be soon i hope. I had a full bottle of water and two oranges this morning for breakfast which should be better than the sugar bear ceral i wanted to have. I just know i have to force myself to stay on the diet this time because i'm tired of having this damn belly since Kris was born. I feel confident today i just hope the feeling stays. tomorrows plans are to get the kitchen floor clean and mopped and maybe get the toys all picked up so i can vaccum but i kind of want to go to lafayette to workone and see what kind of jobs they have. well gotta get going so i can get some stuff done. Have a great week:)

One week later

2008-12-02T18:43:00.000-08:00

Ok so its been a week since the miscarriage yes i'm feeling a little better. I go in tomorrow to see the doc for the follow up visit from the D&C see what he has to say and find out if i have any more restrictions and if so for how long. I am ready to start a diet and fitness plan to get rid of unwanted weight around the tummy area. It seems like since Kris was born i've been fighting with that forever ok its mainly because he was a c-section baby. My goal is to be back down to about 120 before my 26th b-day doesn't leave me much time but right now i have a lot of free time so i'm sure i can do it. Plus after the first of the year its job hunting again. There's no point in looking too hard right now because hello its winter not many people are hiring. I'm going to shoot for an office job. Maybe next summer i'll start taking some classes again and get my degree in either office administration or medical billing and coding either one seems to always be in demand and the pay is pretty good (better than working in a factory) My big goal is to not go back to Zachary's next year. i know i can do so much better than that. As far as the male population they are the least of my concern right now. If Mr. Right happens to show up then good if not oh well. Maybe he will some day but to be honest i'm not holding my breath right now its so not worth it. Kris stayed home sick today so that ruined my whole thought of going x-mas shopping for him but i still have a couple weeks before winter break. I only have a couple things left i just wanted to get it done and over with. Well i think should prob. get going and head off to bed he gets up too early and i have to pack his lunch still and take a shower in the morning before my doc. appt hope they dont want to prode and poke me YUCK!

Update

2008-11-26T17:58:00.000-08:00

So today is the day before Thanksgiving its about 9pm here in good old Indiana. I am supposed to be resting according to doctors orders but since when do i ever listen to anyone. A lot has happened this week and I have yet to take the time to deal with any of it. Tomorrow its just mom, me and Kris sitting around house watching tv maybe Kris and I will play monolopy or something together as a family. We are just having ham because Kris says we are not allowed to eat Turkey since we ate his best friend last year (he rode home with the turkey in the backseat last year and it became his best friend kids will be kids) This week i learned that no matter if you do everything right God has his own plan and things happen for a reason. I spent most of my day Tuesday at the ER here in Frankfort and had to have a D&C (i think thats what it is called) as of about 5am yesterday morning I lost the baby. I dont know why or how. I swear i did everything right. I didnt smoke, drink or lift heavy objects I took it easy got lots of rest took my prenatals and everything. I swear if one more person hugs me and tells me it will be ok i'm going to explode. I've held it all together I have yet to break down and cry over all this because I have to be the strong one. Kris took it really hard he was so excited about having a brother or sister. I'm just scared what this mean. Am I ever going to be able to have any more kids??? I mean I dont want to do it all alone but I dont want to be 30 before I have another one. This year is almost over maybe next year will be better or at least I can hope right. Well i guess those who thought i was the black sheep of the family and a total fuck up is correct because i cant even carry a baby full term without loseing it so i hope you are all happy. With that said have a happy thanksgiving.

Update

2008-11-09T16:53:00.000-08:00

Ok i don't get on here much to write well the internet was down for about a week between the interent company having issues and the computer wanting to be a pain in the ass. Anyways not a lot going on here these days. I got laid off on friday i knew it was coming so it was no big deal now i get to spend more time with kris and stuff. Need to go through all those damn toys and get rid of some before Christmas. I think he is mainly getting board games and games for the DS and Wii. Still waiting on medicaid to send me my paperwork so i can make my first doc. appt. Tonight on CMT they had the movie Beer for my horses It comes out on DVD On Tues. It is an awesome movie i recommend it. Not many movies here lately have kept my interest but i sat and watched all of it tonight. Kris brought home 11 3's on his report card and 10 2's the 3's stand for meeting standards and the 2's means close to meeting standards compared to last year he's doing really good. He's all excited about the baby and is always wanting to rub the belly cuz he thinks the baby can feel him right now you know how kids are. well need to get off to bed so i can get up with him and get him off to school night everyone

Urrg Men

2008-10-02T15:41:00.000-07:00

I'M SO FED UP WITH THE MALE POPULATION. HOW THE HELL CAN YOU SIT THERE AND SAY IT CAN'T BE YOURS WHEN YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE I'VE BEEN WITH. OK YES YOU MIGHT HAVE PULLED OUT BUT HELLO ITS CALLED PRE-CUM YOU FUCKING RETARD. I SWEAR TO GOD HOW FUCKED UP IN THE HEAD CAN A GUY REALLY BE. I GUESS HE'LL FIND OUT IN 9 MONTHS THAT I'M NOT FUCKING PLAYING GAMES. I WENT ON TUESDAY TO THE DOC. TO GET A TEST TO PROVE TO MEDICAID THAT I WAS PREGO. THEY WERE ABLE TO DO A HORMONE TEST AND I'M ABOUT 2 WEEKS WHICH HELLO YOU RETARD THAT WOULD HAVE TO MAKE IT YOURS DUMBASS. SORRY NOT TRYING TO GO ON AND ON BUT HE REALLY PISSED ME OFF TODAY AND I CAN'T SAY THIS TO HIS FACE CUZ HE DONT WANT THE DRAMA AT WORK WHICH IS FINE I CAN UNDERSTAND THAT BC I DONT WANT THE DAMN DRAMA AT WORK EITHER. URRRGGGG HE WONT TALK TO ME BUT HE HAS NO PROB. TALKING TO MY FRIENDS ABOUT SHIT AND WANTING TO KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON BUT YET HE CAN'T PICK UP THE PHONE AND ASK ME THE ONE WHO REALLY IS CARRING THE BABY URGGG. SO I TOLD THEM NOT TO TELL HIM A DAMN THING AND THAT IF HE WANTS TO KNOW THEN HE NEEDS TO JUST CALL ME AND DEAL WITH ME OR HE CAN GO FUCK HIMSELF AND BE LEFT IN THE DARK. SORRY IF THAT MAKES ME A BITCH THEN SO BE IT.

How do I tel you

2008-09-27T05:11:00.001-07:00

SO I HAVE FOUND SOMETHING OUT IN THE LAST 24 HOURS AND I'M NOT SURE HOW TO TELL ANYONE. CHESTER AND I DID BREAK UP ON THURSDAY NOTHIN MAJOR I GUESS HE SAID I WAS BEIN TOO BITCHY THIS PAST WEEKEND AND WELL KIND OF FOUND OUT WHY JUST NOW SURE HOW TO HANDLE IT. I REALIZED AROUND WED. SOMETHING WASN'T RIGHT I THOUGHT MAYBE IT WAS JUST PMS AND THAT'S WHY I HAD BEEN ACTING LIKE A BITCH WELL IT SOUNDED ABOUT RIGHT. CUZ IT SHOULD HAVE STARTED THURSDAY. HOWEVER IT DIDN'T I TOOK A TEST AND REALLY DON'T LIKE THE RESULTS. HE INSISTES IT CAN'T BE HIS AND WANTS TO WAIT AND SEE BUT WHATEVER TYPICAL GUY RIGHT. YES I UNDERSTAND WHERE HE IS COMING FROM CUZ I WAS SORT OF SEEIN SOMEONE ABOUT A WEEK BEFORE HIM BUT IT DIDN'T WORK OUT BECAUSE OF MANY REASONS AND WE BOTH SAID IT WOULD BE BETTER TO BE FRIENDS SO WHO KNOWS. ACCORDING TO SOME RESEARCH THAT I HAVE DONE MY BEST OVULATION TIME WOULD HAVE BEEN 9/12-9/17 WHICH WOULD PUT THE OVULATION DAY AT 9/15 WHICH IS THE DAY THINGS STARTED WITH CHESTER SO I DONT KNOW. I HAVE AN APPT ON TUESDAY AT 6PM AT A FREE PLACE HERE IN TOWN SO I DONT KNOW. I CAN'T TELL MY MOM YET NOT TILL I KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON. I CAN'T DO THIS ALONE I REALLY DON'T THINK I WANT TO. GOD I HAVE TO BE THE STUPIDEST PERSON IN THE WORLD TO ALWAYS FALL FOR THE FUCKIN LINES GUYS GIVE AND SHIT. MY BEST FRIEND IS THE ONE I TOLD FIRST AND THE ONLY THING SHE SAYS IS IT WILL BE OK ITS LIKE NO ONE UNDERSTANDS WHAT IT IS LIKE I DONT WANT TO GO THROUGH RAISING ANOTHER ONE ALONE. WHO IS GOING TO EVER WANT SOMEONE WITH TWO KIDS FROM DIFFERENT GUYS. MY FINGERS ARE CROSSED THAT THE TEST LIED BUT I HAVE A FEELING THATS NOT GOING TO BE THE CASE. CHESTER INSISTS IT CAN'T BE HIS BECAUSE WE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING TILL THE 15TH OF SEPT. AND ALL WEEK LONG LAST WEEK EVERY DAY AT LEAST ONCE A DAY BUT HE SAYS THERE IS NO WAY THE TEST WOULD COME BACK POSITIVE YET. I JUST WONDER WHAT HE WOULD DO IF IT TURNS OUT TO BE HIS. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW POSSIBLE IT WOULD BE FOR IT TO BE HIS RIGHT NOW. THE ONLY THING I WANT TO DO IS CRY AND I CAN'T DO THAT CUZ I CAN'T LET ANYONE KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON I HAVE TO CARRY ON LIKE THERE IS NOTHING WRONG LIKE EVERYTHING IS FINE AND THAT I'M JUST PMSING UNTIL I KNOW FOR SURE. I AM SORRY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY SORRY

Update of a long week

2008-09-19T19:20:00.000-07:00

So yea where to begin???? Well for starters I started seeing this wonderful amazing guy. His name is Chester. He's been real good with Kris all week which is helping so much. Kris got in a lot of trouble at school Monday cuz his meds didnt work or somethin. But now he only goes half day for who knows who. He also told them he was itchy cuz we have bugs in the house which we do not so therefore CPS got called and I've been stressed all week. Even though i'm sure there are days that i've been a real bitch he has put up with me no matter my moods surprise surprise right. We had a meeting at school today to talk about what to do and right now they are going to keep him at half day and slowly work on getting him to go all day. Other than that right now I think thats about it oh yea by the way CPS said they found nothing wrong with the place. As of right now I think that's about it. Well i'm off of here to go spend the rest of the evening with my boyfriend and his daughter and my son its so nice.

For you Ralph

2008-09-10T17:13:00.000-07:00

There isn't a guy involved right now Chris is JUST A FRIEND who owns the bike that's it nothing more. There is however a guy that I am interested in at work and come to find out he likes me but who knows if that will go anywhere I have very bad luck with guys. As far as getting on the bike I'm sorry Stuart but I will probably do it at least one more time this year you gotta understand its a thrill for me its like getting high for those who do drugs not me because well i am the good child :P Anyways i'm kind of seeing this guy from work Friday night him and a friend and her bf is coming over (she's my friend not his lol) so we are going to have a couples date in i'm making dinner and she says she's going to help so it should be fun i hope. Right now i'm just taking it all one day at a time and not rushing into anything. I'll keep you posted on what goes on. have a good week

Already Sept. What happened

2008-09-08T15:56:00.000-07:00

Ok so today is the 8th day of Sept. Where did Aug go????? There's not a lot going on around here at the moment. Kris has gone back to school and so far so good. He had a prob. the first day of school he didnt want to ride the bus home but other than that everything is going good now. He has a paraperfessional (sorry about spelling) that helps him during class plus he is on Vyvanse for ADHD. They have him on a pill at night to help him sleep however IT DOESN'T WORK!!!!! He goes back next week to see the doc for his prescription so hopefully we can get something new to help him sleep. I work my usual 42 hours a week lots of fun NOT. Today was kind of a slow day i was on a slow line it was a nice minivacation from where I am normally at but i'm ready to go back to the faster lines. At this time I'm not seeing anyone I know thats a surprise right NOT. In the last week I have gotten to ride a motorcycle twice. IT WAS AWESOME I can't wait to ride again when the wheather is nice again it is supposed to rain all week plus Chris (my guy friend) works 2nd shift at SIA So the only time i get to do that is on the weekends. He is supposed to come down in a few weeks to give my truck a tune up however which will be nice cuz it needs one badly. Other than that nothing amazing is going on in my life. I'm just taking things one day at a time hopeing for the best but in the end isn't that all we can really do. Kris doesn't go back to see his Therapist till the 8th of Oct. now so that's like a month away kind of nice see how he does with that. Dan (his therapist) would like the school to test him to see how smart he really is but who knows if they will. Well I'll try to write more when i have time and when i have more to update everyone with. Hopefully after his B-day there will be new pics i can put some on here and there will be lots on my myspace page.

Hump Day:)

2008-08-13T02:10:00.000-07:00

Ok so this is mainly for my brother since he is complaining about me not posting much on here lol... The main reason I haven't is because there really isn't much to talk about right now. I haven't rented any movies lately and nothing major is going on in my life go figure right. Still living the single life raising a hyper 6 year old little boy and working. I did however find out a good guy friend of mine is leaving in Oct for 18 months for school down in FL. I"m happy for him but at the same time sad. You really have to know and understand the whole thing to fully understand why i really dont want him to go. We have been on and off for 3 years most of which has just been GREAT AMAZING s--. I know you dont want to hear about it so i wont tell you lol.... That's just it we are just friends with benefits which has worked out great this year in the long run cuz i really haven't had time for a full relationship but i spend a lot of Sat. nights with him. Here lately its been Every Sat night for about a month. Last weekend we just sat around his house watching a movie. Its nice to have someone who understands you and doesn't want you to be something your not. But it hurts to wake up next to that person Sunday morning and know that you aren't supposed to love him even though both of you know you do. Things with him is so ful of passion but he keeps insisting its just what it is there is no feelings there and stuff but i'm sorry the way he acts and stuff speaks differently than his words. Maybe this isn't making sense to anyone but i dont care. When I am with him i'm not afraid to be myself. I like falling asleep next to him usually i get up before him so i slip out while he's asleep which he likes but one day maybe i'll surpise him. I know when he leaves that will be the end of whatever you want to call this. Maybe its just us being young and dumb hell i dont know. I just know i'm going to miss him but just like everyone else that has walked out of my life i'll get over it and move on. The best part about him is we have an understand that he wont meet my son. Yes I talk about the little one and he listens and gives advice just like any friend but as far as letting him get to know my son there is no way in hell. Sat. nights are mine when they happen and my mom watches Kris. I just dont want Kris to get attached to someone who is going to turn around and leave right away. Ok well I guess I better stop going on and on about it and get ready to leave so I can go to work YUCK! We've been packing cherrys this week but the last 3 weeks has been mints. I'm kind of glad to be packing something different. I'll write more after registration next week unless something major comes up.

It's the weekend

2008-07-19T16:03:00.000-07:00

Ok so its been a little while since i've been on here to leave a blog. Things are going pretty well. I am enjoying my job for the most part it has its moments just like any other. Right now I am looking for another job but not in the state of Indiana. My mom had a biopsy (sorry if misspelled) lately on her breasts cuz they saw a few spots that looked abnormal. Good news is that its not cancer its just a blockage of a duct or somethin like that like i really pay attention as long as its not cancer. Kris is doing good on his meds it has made a really big difference which is really good. other than that everything else is the same as always. I go to work and come home nothing new in my life. Just going through things here at home and getting rid of stuff trying to figure out what i can sell and what i cant and stuff. I figure either come Dec. or June we'll be out of here depends on how things go on the job hunt and at my current job cuz i know lay off is around Oct or Nov or maybe get lucky and last till Dec. I'll keep everyone posted

Happy 4th of July

2008-07-04T19:30:00.000-07:00

Ok so today is a holiday big deal. Did some fireworks with the kid other than that did nothing. I had the day off from work which was really nice. However I should have gotten housework and stuff done and well I didnt. My mom is wanting to have a yard sale soon and get rid of the stuff we aren't using or wanting which makes sense to me but that would require me going through stuff. There's always tomorrow. Kris is doing good since they put him on his medicine. WOW its a BIG difference. hell now i can out eat him where before it was the other way around lol. My mom goes in on monday to have a biopsey (sorry if misspelled) on her breast they found some spots that could or could not be cancer. I'm hoping for no cancer she's already gave me one scare this year already i dont need another one. Other than that just a lot on my mind. She's into this whole kick of either being closer to my family or finding someone and setteling down that way if and when something happens to her i wont be alone which is in some ways makes sense but lets face it no guy wants me i'm never good enough for anyone and well most of my family doesn't speak to me anymore so what the hell does it matter. well i'm going to go so i can go watch a movie and go to bed yes early on July 4th and no alochol gee we have a prob.

Not monday again

2008-06-23T15:02:00.000-07:00

Ok so yes its monday however its almost over think god. I quit my job recently at the milkyway i got tired of working nights all the freakin time and weekend i never got to do anything with my son or my friends which really sucked ok i'm cool with not hanging out with my friends because i dont have many these days anyways but i missed spending time with my son. I went back to Zachary's since they called back it is so worth it major holidays off till lay off time and weekends off yea i like that idea. The doc put my son on vyvanse this past week for ADHD so far its ok i guess. Right now i'm just trying to make it through one day at a time with him and with my mom and life in general. Have you ever had one of those days that you just stop and ask what did you do wrong and when did you do it??? yea I thought about that last night after I put the kid to bed and curled up to watch some tv before bed where did i go wrong and how the hell did i fuck up so many relationships was it me or was it them. I guess this whole going to bed alone every night is starting to get to me plus everyone around me seems to think i need to settle down screw that I'm only 25 I am waiting for Mr. RIght (even though he got hit my a semi and died somewhere along the way of finding me) but in the mean time i'm a having a little fun with some of the wrong ones. I have a friend with benefits well sort of. Its complicated to explain. There are no strings attached and we aren't supposed to get emotionally attached HELL I"M A GRIL of course i got attached i've known him since freshman year in high school and i liked him back then but shit happens. I just enjoy the time we do spend together and just brush it all off cuz if its meant to be it will happen and there is no need to push the issue. I did tell him however that one day he's going to wake up and find me gone and i wont be there when he wishes i was and that it will be his own fault cuz he pushed me away. Ok well i think i've ranted enough for tonight so i'll end this i need to get dinner made anyways give the kid a bath then hopefully off to bed then tv time for me then off to bed before it gets to late.

ME AGAIN

2008-04-24T18:52:00.000-07:00

so it is me again. i don't really have too much to say this time. April is almost over which is good i guess. it seems like this whole year is going by so fast. I am still working at the milkyway for now i have been however submiting my resume in a few places. i am going on Tues (my only day off) to manpower to apply they have a factory job for the air filter place in town (donaldson) for $9 an hour hey that's better than what i make plus if i get on full-time i can get benefits EVEN BETTER. however this past monday was a nice monday my check was good (however mostly gone now oopps damn bills) i finally got my raise so i was happy i went from 6.55 to 7 an hour which is good for the most part still really isn't enough when you are raising a child and want to be able to put money in a savings account to buy a house and get your teeth fixed and shit oh well at least it pays the bills right now. Its been so nice out lately i've been walking to work and home from work on days i work during the day so that has saved a little money since gas is almost $4 a gallon SCREW THAT SHIT. The only thing i have planned right now for may is my son's kindergarten field trip on the 13th to the indy zoo i already asked for the day off so i can't wait. well i better run and head off to bed so i can get up for work i think that's all i do anymore oh well

Almost weekend

2008-04-03T19:02:00.000-07:00

OK I THOUGHT I HAD POSTED ONE A FEW DAYS AGO BUT MAYBE I DIDNT WHO KNOWS THINGS GET CRAZY. MY SON SAW THE THERAPIST AGAIN THIS WEEK AND THIS TIME WE SET UP AN APPOINTMENT TO SEE THE DR THAT CAN GIVE OUT MEDS AT THE CLINIC AND WELL THE CRAPPY PART IS I HAVE TO WAIT TILL JUNE 19TH TO SEE HIM SO WE ARE JUST TAKING IT WEEK TO WEEK NOW AND DAY TO DAY NOW. SHE REALLY THINKS HE HAS ADHD. AS LONG AS IT WILL HELP HIM FOCUS I'M ALL FOR IT THAT WAY HE CAN STAY IN SCHOOL AND MOVE ON BECAUSE THE WAY HE IS RIGHT NOW IF HE ACTS THIS WAY IN 1ST GRADE HE MIGHT GET KICKED OUT AND HAVE TO REPEAT IT AND IF I CAN KEEP FROM HIM GOING THROUGH THAT THEN I WILL... HE IS SO SMART JUST HAS WAY TOO MUCH ENERGY. ANYWAYS SO FAR GRILL HAS BEEN OK. I HAD TODAY OFF AND NOW WORK UNTIL WED WHICH IS FINE WITH ME I GET ABOUT ONE DAY A WEEK OFF RIGHT NOW WHICH BELIEVE ME I WILL TAKE ALL THE HOUSE I CAN GET JUST SO I CAN START PUTTING MONEY BACK INTO MY SAVING ACCOUNT BECAUSE I KINDA TOOK SOME OUT THIS WEEK AND SPENT IT ON SOEMTHING FOR KRIS AND I WE GOT A WII ITS GREAT HE LOVES IT AND WE PLAY IT TOGETHER WHEN I GET HOME FROM WORK AND SINCE I HAD TODAY OFF HE GOT TO PLAY IT A LONG TIME HE BEATS MY ASS ON THE BOWLING GAME HE IS REALLY GOOD AT IT THE GREAT PART IS THAT THE WII CAN PLAY GAMECUBE GAMES SO WE RENTED SOME OF THEM FROM THE MOVIE STORE AND HE CAN PLAY THEM WITH A NORMAL GAMECUBE ROMOTE WHILE I'M AT WORK WHICH WILL WORK GOOD FOR WEEKENDS SO MOM DOES'NT HAVE TO FIND SOMETHING TO KEEP HIM BUSY AND SHE CAN REST A LITTLE SINCE SHE WORKS LIKE 20 OR MORE HOURS FROM FRIDAY NIGHT TILL SAT. AFTERNOON. WELL I NEED TO GET GOING SO I CAN GET TO BED I HAVE TO GO BACK TO WORK TOMORROW I'M IN THE GRILL TILL MONDAY I THINK CAN'T REALLY REMEMBER MY SCHEDUAL OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD OH WELL LOL

Where is this year going??/

2008-03-28T06:44:00.000-07:00

MAYBE ITS JUST ME BUT THIS YEAR SEEMS TO BE GOING FAST WHICH IS KIND OF NICE I GUESS. WORK IS WORK NOTHING NEW THERE OTHER THAN THE FACT ON SUNDAY I START TRAINING IN THE GRILL AS A COOK I'M A LITTLE NERVOUSE THE ONLY REASON I'M TRAINING IN THE GRILL IS BECAUSE BOB HAS BEEN TALKING ABOUT MAKING ME A SHIFT SUPERVISOR WHICH WOULD BE COOL!!!! BUT YOU CAN ONLY BE THAT IF YOU ARE THE COOK FOR THE NIGHT SO I HAVE TO TRAIN FOR THAT WHICH SHOULDN'T BE TOO HARD I JUST DONT LIKE MESSING THINGS UP LIKE THAT. KRIS STARTED SEEING A THERAPIST THIS PAST WED. WE DONT KNOW A WHOLE LOT FROM THAT APPOINTMENT BECAUSE IT WAS JUST TRYING TO FIND OUT WHAT IS GOING ON AND STUFF SHE SAW HOW WELL HE SAT STILL (HOW WELL HE CAN'T SIT STILL THAT IS LOL) SO HE GOES BACK NEXT WEEK. SHE WANTS TO TRY SOME DIFFERENT THINGS BEFORE PUTTING HIM ON MEDS WHICH IS NICE. FOR THE MOST PART EVERYTHING IS GOING GOOD I GUESS. STILL SINGLE BUT WHAT ELSE IS NEW I REALLY THINK MY MR. RIGHT GOT HIT BY A SEMI-TRUCK LOL.... WELL I NEED TO GET LUNCH STARTED AND ALL THAT FUN PARENT STUFF. HOPE EVERYONE HAS A GOOD WEEKEND I KNOW I WILL WORK TONIGHT AND TOMORROW NIGHT THEN GOING OUT TOMORROW AFTER WORK THEN WORK SUNDAY NIGHT FUN FUN MY NEXT DAY OFF ISN'T UNTIL NEXT THURS. WHICH WORKS FOR ME

lala

2008-03-15T11:36:00.000-07:00

So I know dont write much on here been very busy with work and taking care of my child. in fact the school helped me to get him into see a doc about his behavioral problems i kept trying on my own and i kept getting told they were full but when the school called they had an opening for the 26th of March so we'll see how that goes for the most part he is doing pretty good. Academically speaking he's very smart but they have other issues with him. right now they think a lot of it has to do with sensory so i dont know i guess its all a guessing and waiting game. Work is going pretty good i guess have good days and bad days just like anywhere else. I'm a little worried about my mom right now she has started getting chest pains in the last few days she keeps telling me its nothing major but i dont know what to believe. Knowing that in a few short days i'll be 25 and I am a single mom of a 6 year old boy working a job that pays peanuts there is no way i can handle something major right now. Its been 23 years now since my dad passed I dont really remember him but hey i wasn't even 2 yet so why would i. I have so pics and one of the ladys i work with remembers him and my mom in fact she thinks she was working for the laywer who took care of some stuff after he passed but can't remember for sure. I'm just rambling trying to keep myself motivated today. I get to work from 4 to close i hope we aren't real busy tonight i dont want to be there past 9 like we were last night. Then i'm going out with some friends to drink for my bday then i have to be back at work at 11:45 tomorrow moring which is going to be interesting. Well i better get going so i can get ready for work. hopefully after tonight i'll have some new pics but i wont hold my breath if someone takes a pic of me it might break the camarea LOL.... have a good weekend

NEW JOB

2008-02-17T14:33:00.000-08:00

SO I STARTED A NEW JOB LAST MONDAY I WANTED TO WAIT AND SEE HOW I LIKED IT BEFORE I POSTED ANYTHING ABOUT IT JUST IN CASE. IT'S PRETTY EASY I WORK AT THE MILKYWAY SO ITS JUST LIKE WORKING AT DAIRY QUEEN FOR THE MOST PART FOR ME THERE ARE THINGS THAT ARE DIFFERENT. IT'S ONLY A SEASONAL JOB BUT AT LEAST ITS A JOB FOR NOW. I'M WAITING FOR FRITOLAY TO START HIRING AGAIN WHICH WONT BE TILL SOMETIME IN MARCH MAYBE AND THEN I'M GOING TO SEE IF I CAN GET ON THERE. BETTER PAY AND BETTER BENNIFITS THAN ZACHARY'S WELL I BETTER GET GOING THAT WAY I CAN GET THE KID INTO THE BATH AND READY FOR BED AND ALL THAT FUN STUFF HE DON'T HAVE SCHOOL TOMORROW AND I DONT WORK TILL TUE. MORNING SO IT WILL BE FUN I GUESS

Same old thing just another day

2008-01-17T15:27:00.000-08:00

So i haven't been on here lately because we were having problems with dialup so we got hi-speed now which is much nicer. Still looking for a job. if nothing else i could always go back to zachary's in june when everyone else does but since the ex is now manager out there i really would rather not go back there. Not a lot has been going on. Spent new years eve at home and Sober (first in about 5yrs) come to think of it my last drink was the same day i got liad off oh well that's prob. a good thing in a way. Had a meeting last week at school for my son. They were talking about putting him in special ed class but he doesn't fit in any of their profile for that which in a lot of ways is good. we are having a lot of behavioral problems with him and he has a real hard time concentrating. They have a special person who sits next to him to help him stay focused and when he does his work he has to be touching her hand or her arm and we can't really figure it out. Academically speaking he is the head of his class (no he did not get that from me duh) He is pretty smart when he wants to be but that's the prob. its when he wants to be. they think some of his problems is because some of his motor skills did not develop like they should have. the meeting was very long and i sat there feeling like it was something i did wrong which that wouldn't surpirse me i can't do nothin right. He stayed the night at a friends house for the first time Sunday night because he didnt have school monday. That was the first time he's ever stayed the night away from me however he came home and didnt want to stay at home and got mad at me because i told him he couldnt stay there again monday night because he had school on Tues. So since he threw a fit and hit me he doesnt get to do that again for awhile. Other than all that i think everything is going good. oh yea and i'm really upset at my brother (the youngest one) because i got told he would call when he got back from germany and well its almost the middle of the month and haven't heard from him go figure he's always doing that lol.... well i'll write more later when i might have something to say

TIME FOR A NEW CAR

2007-12-15T14:01:00.000-08:00

OK SO HERE ARE PICTURES FROM THE RECENT WRECK. $13,000 OF DAMAGES AND ONE PIC OF MY NEW TRUCK SANTA CAME EARLY THIS YEAR I GUESS.

Men lie

2007-12-02T05:55:00.000-08:00

SO I GUESS I SHOULD HAVE ALREADY FIGURED THIS ONE OUT GUYS LIE AND CHEAT AND ARE SCUM. WELL FUCK THAT SHIT I HOPE HE IS HAPPY BECAUSE I'M NOT THE KIND OF GIRL WHO IS GOING TO CRY OVER THAT SHIT HE MADE HIS CHOICE TO BAD HE WASN'T MAN ENOUGH TO TELL ME TO MY FACE INSTEAD I HAD TO CATCH HIM IN THE ACT WHICH PISSED ME OFF THE MOST BUT OH WELL FUCK IT. JUST GOES TO SHOW THAT I WILL NEVER FIND SOMEONE TRUE OR BE HAPPY OR EVEN GET MARRIED OH WELL THIS WILL MAKE EVERYONE ELSE HAPPY NOW.

DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA

2007-11-28T10:12:00.000-08:00

I LOVE HOW PEOPLE THAT ARE OLDER THAN YOU ACT TEN TIMES YOUNGER THAN YOU. THIS HAS NOT BEEN A GOOD WEEK AT ALL. DUSTIN HAS BEEN SICK AND HIS EX IS CAUSING SOME PROBLEMS AND THEN HIS MOM STARTED IN LAST NIGHT. SHE TOLD HIM THAT SHE WOULDN'T HELP HIM OUT AT ALL AS LONG AS I WAS LIVING HERE WITH HIM BECAUSE I WASN'T JAMIE (WHICH IS ONE OF HIS EX'S THAT SHE LIKED) AND ITS JUST LIKE WHAT THE FUCK SO NOW ITS TIME FOR HIM TO MAKE THAT CALL ON WHAT THE FUCK HE REALLY WANTS BECAUSE I CAN'T TAKE IT SCREW THAT SHIT. BUT HOPEFULLY AFTER THIS WEEK IS OVER WE CAN GET BACK ON TRACK. WE ARE TALKING ABOUT MOVING AFTER BOTH BOYS FINISH THE SCHOOL YEAR WE ARE TALKING ABOUT TN BUT THATS JUST TALK RIGHT NOW. WE STILL NEED TO TALK ABOUT WEDDING PLANS AND ALL THAT SHIT BUT WE ARE TRYING TO HOLD OFF TILL HE GETS LAID OFF WHEN HE'LL HAVE MORE TIME TO SIT AND TALK TO ME CUZ BY TIME HE GETS HOME AND WE GET KIDS IN BED ITS LATE AND HE'S TIRED SO WE JUST RELAX AND WATCH A LITTLE TV THEN OFF TO BED WE GO AND THEN START THE DAY ALL OVER AGAIN. I HAVE STARTED LOOKING FOR A JOB BECAUSE THIS STAYING AT HOME STUFF IS DRIVING ME CRAZY I'M USE TO HAVING MY OWN MONEY AND BEING ABLE TO GET UP AND GO OUT OF THE HOUSE. I'M NOT HOUSEWIFE MATERIAL. WELL I THINK I WILL END THIS NOW BECAUSE I DO HAVE TO GET READY TO GO PICK UP MY SON FROM SCHOOL SO HOPE EVERYONE HAS A GOOD WEEK AND I'LL TRY TO POST WHEN I CAN.

OMG

2007-11-19T10:45:00.000-08:00

SO YEA I KNOW I DONT GET ON HERE VERY OFTEN TO WRITE MAINLY BECAUSE I HAVEN'T HAD A LOT OF TIME WITH MOVING INTO DUSTIN'S AND ALL BUT TODAY IS MONDAY AFTER A VERY GOOD WEEKEND. HE TOOK ME TO TEXAS ROADHOUSE FRIDAY NIGHT FOR DINNER WITHOUT THE KIDS OK THAT SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME SOMETHING WAS UP CUZ WE NEVER GO HARDLY ANYWHERE WITHOUT AT LEAST THE TWO BOYS. BOY WAS I RIGHT. HE PROPOSED FRIDAY NIGHT THEN SAT. WE DROVE UP TO SEE G-MA AND G-PA SMITH THEN SUNDAY TOOK THE BOYS TO CHUCK E CHEESE. SO THE WEEKEND WAS A VERY FULL WEEKEND AND ONLY A VERY FEW PEOPLE KNOW ABOUT THE ENGAGMENT RIGHT NOW. I HAVEN'T HAD THE CHANCE TO TELL MANY PEOPLE WITH EVERYTHING ELSE GOING ON. WE ARE DECIDING IF WE ARE GOING TO PUT IT IN THE PAPER AROUND HERE OR NOT. NO DATES HAVE BEEN SET YET. I'M SURE WHEN HE GETS LAID OFF IN A FEW WEEKS WE'LL HAVE A LITTLE MORE TIME TO TALK THING OVER AND START WORKING ON THE PLANS. WELL I THINK THAT'S ALL FOR NOW SO I'LL TRY TO WRITE MORE AS SOON AS I CAN AGAIN I AM SORRY IF I DONT GET ON HERE AS MUCH AS I WISH I DID.

New Man

2007-11-07T14:18:00.000-08:00

So good things come to those who wait!!!! I have met a wonderful man at work and we've been together for awhile now. I really believe he is the one for me. He will be 31 in Dec. and has three kids. He's a great guy and I am really happy with him. We are talking about moving in together and everything. He wants to get married we just aren't rushing things too much. We are talking about driving up to see the grandparents sometime this month. Things are going pretty good at work. However its getting closer to layoff time. So I am a little worried about losing this job. However Dustin wants to go work at Wabash and if he gets hired on after we are layed off then he wants me to stay at home with the kids and him work which is find with me I guess. Oh well.... I guess I'm going to jump off of here the boys just walked in from cleaning out my car. Now I know why we have kids to do the shit we don't want to lol Have a good week.

Urrrrrgggggg

2007-09-27T18:12:00.000-07:00

I realize a lot of people put interesting things in their blogs but to be honest today I just dont give a damn. It has been one of those weeks. This past weekend was pretty good. I got to take the kid to see the monster trucks for the first time. He loved them and didn't complain about them being very loud prob. because it was outside at the fairgrounds. Then monday rolled around and I woke up thinking wow this is going to be a good day at work WRONG it was a horrible day. I came home so sore and with a big bruise on my arm that ended up swelling up over night but I got up and did the same shit all over again just like the rest of the week just like I will get up tomorrow morning and go to work. I'm so happy though that it is a short day. Its not just work that has be feeling BLAH. its the fact that everyone seems to want me to be with someone or settle down or whatever but everyone seems to have something to say about who it should be with. Everyone wants to hook me up with someone and that is kind of funny because I do have a friend that wants to set me up with this guy that we work with but yet she is all over him like she wants his nuts. Ok one if you want to set your friend up with someone don't flirt with them especially when you have a man cuz that makes you look like a whore. Don't try to set someone up if they don't want to be set up. There is a guy in my life in a fucked up way. i really couldn't tell you what is going on because I have no clue even. He bought the tickets to see the monster trucks this past weekend. He is a good guy but I dont know. I dont even know if i want to settle down with anyone or even be in a relationship right now with anyone. Well i know its been awhile since i've been on here but i am really tired so i'm keeping this short. Have a good weekend.

Things happen for a reason

2007-08-22T17:23:00.000-07:00

OK I KNOW EVERYONE SAYS THINGS HAPPEN FOR A REASON AND YOU HAVE TO LET NATURE TAKE ITS COURSE. YES IN A WAY I UNDERSTAND THAT. HOWEVER WHEN IT COMES TO SOMEONE LOSING A CHILD I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY THEY WOULD BE BLESSED WITH ONE AND BE ABLE TO HOLD THE CHILD FOR 5 WEEKS BEFORE GOD TAKING THE CHILD BACK TO HEAVEN. I MEAN COME ON THOSE POOR PARENTS GO THROUGH HELL. MY BEST FRIEND JESSICA HAD A BABY BOY ON JULY 10TH AND TODAY WE LAYED HIS BODY IN THE GROUND. SHE WAS A TOTAL WRECK BUT THAT IS TO BE EXPECTED. THIS IS NOT HER FIRST CHILD IT IS HER THIRD BUT THE FIRST BOY. HE LAYED THERE IN THE FUNERAL HOME LOOKING LIKE A DOLL. HOW CAN SOMETHING THAT BEAUTIFUL AND SPECIAL ALREADY BE GONE. SO MANY OF US DID NOT EVEN KNOW SHE HAD HIM YET UNTIL WE GOT THE PHONE CALL OVER THE WEEKEND ABOUT THE DEATH. THEY HAVE NO CLUE HOW IT HAPPENED. THEY HAD FED HIM ON SAT. MORNING AT 6 THEN WENT BACK IN TO FED HIM AROUND 9 WHEN THEY LAID HIM BACK DOWN AFTER THE 6 AM FEEDING HE WAS FINE. CLOSE TO 9 THEY HAD NOT HEARD ANY NOISES SO THEY WENT TO CHECK ON HIM AND IT WAS ALREADY TOO LATE! WHY GIVE SOMEONE A CHILD ONLY TO TAKE THEM AWAY WHAT LESSON IS THERE TO BE LEARNED OTHER THAN WE ARE GUARNTEED TODAY NOR ARE WE PROMISED TOMORROW SO WE MUST LIVE TODAY LIKE THERE IS NO TOMORROW WHICH FOR SOME OF US IS A LOT HARDER TO DO BECAUSE WELL LETS FACE IT I LIKE TO PLAN THINGS. THIS HAS TAUGHT ME NOT TO TAKE THINGS FOR GRAUNTED NOT EVEN THE SMALL THINGS IN LIFE. RYAN AND I WENT TO THE FUNERAL TOGETHER ALONG WITH MY FRIEND JEN IT WAS A VERY SAD DAY THEN JEN AND I WENT TO WORK AFTER WORDS WHICH WAS KIND OF HARD. IT WAS NICE THOUGH BEING ABLE TO SEE SOME OF THE PEOPLE THAT I KNEW WHEN I WAS A LOT YOUNGER I JUST WISH IT WOULD HAVE BEEN FOR OTHER REASONS OTHER THAN THIS SAD CASE. WELL I NEED TO HEAD OFF TO BED SO I CAN GO TO WORK IN THE MORNING. REMEMBER LIVE TODAY LIKE THERE WILL BE NO TOMORROW!!!!!!

Finally Friday

2007-08-10T11:18:00.000-07:00

WELL TODAY IS FRIDAY FINALLY!!!! NOT ONLY IS IT PAYDAY BUT IT IS ALSO A SHORT DAY AT WORK AND THE START OF A WEEKEND. THIS WEEK HAS GONE SO LONG MANLY BECAUSE I ENROLLED MY FIVE YEAR OLD IN FOR KINDERGARTEN AND HE HAS BEEN BUGGING ME WANTING TO KNOW IF ITS TIME TO START SCHOOL YET. HE IS SO EXCITED ABOUT GOING TO SCHOOL WHICH IS REALLY A GOOD THING I'M READY FOR HIM TO START SCHOOL. THERE'S A FEW PEOPLE AT WORK THAT SAY THEY ARE GOING TO CRY WHEN THEIR LITTLE ONE STARTS KINDERGARTEN BUT FORGET ALL THAT. I WAS READY LAST YEAR FOR HIM TO GO HOWEVER HE MISSED TEH CUT OFF DATE BECAUSE OF WHEN HIS B-DAY FALLS. OH WELL AT LEAST HE SHOULLD BE READY. ANYWAYS I AM OFF OF HERE TO GO SHOPING TO MAKE SURE I HAVE ALL THE SCHOOL SUPPLISE NO BARS THIS WEEKEND AS MY MOTHER HAS TO WORK MANY HOURS THIS WEEKEND OH WELL LATER EVERYONE

Where did the weekend go

2007-08-05T07:38:00.000-07:00

SO TODAY IS SUNDAY. WHERE DID THE REST OF MY WEEKEND GO. I FEEL LIKE I HAVE GOT NOTHING DONE THAT I NEEDED TO GET DONE ONCE AGAIN. IT MUST HAVE BEEN ALL THOSE DRINKS FRIDAY NIGHT. OH WELL I DONT REGRET IT. I HAD A WONDERFUL TIME. WE DID SOME KAREOKE (SORRY ABOUT SPELLING) SHOT SOME POOL GOT TO BREAK IN THE BRAND NEW POOL STICK THAT LIGHTS UP LOL SPENT SOME TIME WITH A WONDERFUL GUY AND GOT TO FIND OUT WHERE WE STAND. NOT THE ANSWER I WAS REALLY WANTING BUT I'LL TAKE IT. ONE DAY AT A TIME I GUESS IS HOW WE ARE PLAYING THIS RELATIONSHIP OH WELL EVERYONE IN OUR GROUP OF FRIENDS KNOWS WE ARE TOGETHER SO I DONT REALLY CARE. YESTERDAY I THINK I SLEPT ALL DAY TILL EVENING HOURS THEN WENT OUT TO EAT WITH MY MOM AND MY LITTLE BOY THEN CAME HOME AND SLEPT SOME MORE. TODAY WE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE GOING TO KMART TO PAY ON HIS SCHOOL CLOTHES THEN OFF TO CHUCK E. CHEESE WE GO I KNOW SOUNDS LIKE A LOT OF FUN HUH LOL.... ITS ONLY ALMOST 11AM AND I HAVE YET TO GET OUT OF BED TO GET READY FOR THE DAY. I JUST WANT TO SLEEP ALL DAY AGAIN. WELL I'M OFF OF HERE SO I CAN TRY TO GET SOME STUFF DONE THEN TOMORROW ITS BACK TO WORK I GO OH WELL THE CHECK I GET FRIDAY WIL BE WORTH IT SOMEWHAT.

And the week begins

2007-07-30T16:53:00.002-07:00

So this begins my first full week of my job let me telll you how fun it is NOT... its a job are they ever fun??? Oh well at least its a job right. Today seemed very long maybe its because I drank the weekend away lol go figure leave it to me to do something like that. However last week (the two days I did work) were pretty good. I put lids on the damn candy corn containers let me tell you how smart you have to be for that lol.... the work is easy so i'm not going to complain just not use to standing on my feet all day like that. Oh well it will get better I am sure. so friday night i went out with my amazing guy friend it was so much fun lol.... at least we were able to hang out and not feel pressured it was kind of a date i guess. I paid for his beer and he paid for pool then I walked him up to the door at the end of the night and got my kiss. However I did learn how short i was the poor guy had to bend over to hug me he's only 6 foot something lol... Also my mother wrecked my car friday morning on her way home from work but we got a rental truck till ours is fixed (i like it better than my car) its a 2007 ford f-150 its a smooth ride and great at the drive ins lol yes I checked that out oh well what no one knows wont hurt them. I am hoping however that my car wont cost too much to fix it. At least that's not how i was getting to work. My friend picks me up and we go together. Well i better get going so i can get some sleep before tomorrow i hope everyone has a good week. I know i will :) ;)

And the week begins

2007-07-30T16:53:00.001-07:00

Job

2007-07-25T06:56:00.000-07:00

Ok so I made it all safe and everything yesterday morning at 6 am in the morning. I know why they call it the red eye flight. I went and filled out an application at a staffing resource place, got an interview and went through orientation all in the same day. Today I have to go to Zachary's to pick up my badage and uniform just to report tomorrow morning at 6:30 in the morning. I will be taking a pay cut but I will get more hours at the same time so i guess it works out about that same who knows. Oh well the way i look at it I have a set schedual Mon-Thurs. i'll work 6:30-4 then Friday 6:30-1 and have my weekends off and I wont have to deal with working with a bunch of high school girls who can't seem to do their damn jobs. I loved my last job but the girls drove me nuts maybe because i'm not the type to go and spend $100 or more on a purse that you only use maybe for one season because after that its out of style screw all that shit. Well I need to go get ready to get stuff done today oh boy let me tell you lol... I"ll write more maybe this weekend if i'm not too tired

Monday again??

2007-07-23T16:08:00.000-07:00

SO TODAY IS MONDAY ONCE AGAIN. THE WEEKEND SEEMED TO BE LONGER THAN EVER. I LEAVE CALI IN LIKE 7HRS BUT WONT GET TO IN TILL LIKE 6AM. KRIS IS HYPER AS USUAL AND I SPENT HALF THE DAY TRYING TO MAKE SURE I CAN GET EVERYTHING TO FIT IN MY SUITECASES NEEDLESS TO SAY I HAD TO SIT ON ONE TO GET IT TO SHUT! I GUESS THAT MEANS I HAVE BOUGHT TOO MANY THINGS WHILE BEING HERE BUT MY BFF INTRODUCED ME TO THIS REALLY COOL STORE CALLED IKEA.... I LOVE IT!!!!!! THE CLOSEST ONE BACK HOME IS IN IL SO I MIGHT GO FOR A WEEKEND TRIP NEXT SUMMER JUST TO CHECK IT OUT AND STUFF. IN A WAY I'M READY TO GO BACK HOME CUZ I NEED TO GET SOME THINGS TAKEN CARE OF AND CONFRONT SOMEONE MAYBE IT WILL ALL WORK OUT. WELL I'M OUT OF HERE FOR NOW I'M NOT SURE IF I'LL HAVE TIME THIS WEEK TO GET ON AGAIN BUT I WILL TRY. EVERYONE HAVE A GREAT WEEK.

Guys blow

2007-07-17T23:28:00.000-07:00

Ok so I dont know how often i'll be on here but oh well. This is my last week here in Cali. then I am heading back home oh boy let me tell you lol. Anyone who knows where home is understands lol. So the main reason i'm looking forward to going home is so that i can talk to someone so i know where i need to go from here. I fell for a guy in the group i hang out with and things have been great when its just the two of us. He's so passionate its unbelievable. I would go into details however that wouldn't be right since i know my brothers will probably read it. however with this guy one of the guys in the group said it would never workout cuz frinds can't date friends so we've never talked about it. We've left things the way they are. I am tired of my other friend being a jackass cuz well he's dating a girl he became friends with first which is not cool but hey to each is there own right. I am having a hard time trying to think of how to tell this other guy how i feel. when i am around him i get weak in the knees. Its different. like he has seen me on my good days and my bad days. We've beent hrough hell together but yet we are still there for each other. I am a little worried that if i tell him how is that going to change things. are we still going to be able to remain as close as we are now? I would trust him with my life if it came down to it. He has never lied to me or hurt me which is really nice. So many things to think about between now and the day i go back home. I am just hoping i'll be able to sleep on the plane so i can be wide awake when i land. Well that is all for now if you have any advice just leave me a comment thanks.

Me so far

2007-07-12T18:52:00.000-07:00

SO I SIT HERE WITH MY GOOD FRIEND AND I READ BOTH OF MY BROTHERS BLOGS AND SAY WHAT THE HELL MIGHT AS WELL RIGHT. I HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO WITH MY DAYS LOL. OK I COULD THINK OF A FEW THINGS I COULD DO BUT OH WELL THIS WILL KEEP ME OUT OF TROUBLE THE MOST LOL. I AM A 24 YEAR OLD SINGLE MOTHER OF MY WONDERFUL 5 YEAR OLD SON WHO TURNS 6 AND STARTS KINDERGARTEN THIS YEAR :( SO SAD. ANYWAYS MY LIFE IS PRETTY GOOD FOR THE MOST PART. I GREW UP IN A SMALL TOWN WITH MANY GUY FRIENDS THAT I AM STILL CLOSE TO AND THERE IS ONE THAT I HAVE FELL FOR BUT SHHHH NO ONE KNOWS ABOUT THAT. WELL THAT IS ALL FOR NOW I WILL POST MORE A LITTLE LATER JUST GETTIN THIS START.