IDK

Well I haven't been on here much been so busy with everything else and I guess I just need a spot to say it all tonight before going to sleep. This weekend was excellent. I got to see one of my brothers (Stuart), and meet one of his military buddies (Manny) and some other people. We had a great time. I enjoyed talking to Manny and now I sit here thinking what the hell was I thinking. Why even try when you know your not going to win the race. Between the distance and the fact that well my love life sucks balls nothing would ever happen so why start allowing myself to even think it or even give into the temptation of kissing someone who will most likely break your heart and run far far away. I've came to the conclusion that they are right in the end girls end up like their mothers. Guess I might as well get used to staying unwed and ALONE for every. I really dont want to be alone but its like all the nice guys that treat women right run far away as soon as they find out about Kris or they want some skinny blonde. I'm sorry I'm not perfect and I have no desire to be perfect. I am who I am. I just would like to meet one guy who is honest and will accept me for me but lets face it that will never happen. Thanks so much Stuart for allowing me to meet him I appriciate it so much because it did show me there are guys out there that still treat women good but lets face it I was just a fling for him and nothing more so whatever and don't tell me you wont know till you try. I don't try because I am tired of being hurt. I love both of my brothers and you both know it but there are times I wish dad was still here maybe I wouldn't be such a screw up! I'm sorry I am the worst sister ever, I try I really do but idk anymore. I don't know what a good relationship is like or even how to be in one. Hell I was with Tim for 6 years on and off and I loved him and I know no one liked him and looking back now I do understand why but the heart wants what the heart wants and you can't really control it. I'd give anything to take those 6 years back knowing what I know now but we all know I can't maybe thats why I don't take compliments very well because I'm not the girl that gets them and when I do I think they are just saying it to get something and I know thats not always the case but I know I'm not that pretty or thin or smart. I have a child and have been a single mom since he was born and most guys run. Yes I'd love the chance to get to know this guy better even though there is distance but still idk I give up I'm done for the night before I upset everyone!