Late Night Phone Call

I am so not as young as I used to be therefore I go to bed usually no later than midnight other than Saturday nights when I stay up with tim till the wee hours of the morning. Well here it is a little after 2am and I just got off the phone with his best friend whom I have yet to talk to since his ass got back from overseas so it was nice talking to him. I found out that when Tim goes over there I'm the only thing he talks to Gabe about and that he's excited and very nervouse about going to my family reunion because it does take him away from his house but i'm sure he'll be fine and the fact that Kris will be there and he hasn't been around Kris much. I am feeling so much better to know i'm not the only one worried about stuff. I worry about how Kris is going to react towards Tim and how he's going to behave in general. I really hope he's on his best behavor. This Saturday my mom is taking tim, kris and I to dinner and then we are going firework shopping so this will be the first time he's been around kris so we'll see how that goes. It's just good to know that someone else in this relationship is a little worried and nervouse. I have yet to understand why he's nervous about my family i don't care if they like him or not because to be honest I love him the only person i care if they like him is Kris and that's cuz Kris would be very involved in our life. I don't know I guess I better go back to bed.

Great Weekend

I realize this past weekend was fathers day but for me it was a good weeked. Tim took me to his cousins wedding reception (neither of us knew about it till last min.) so I met half of his family it was nice most of them were drinking. We then headed out to his sisters place with what was left of the Keg to finish the party. It was nice I was sober like always someone has to drive lol. I did mention I had a family reunion coming up in July up North and asked if he would go with I was very shocked when he said Yes that made my day then to top it off he's going as my date to my best friends wedding in July as well even though he HATES weddings. I so can tell he is trying hard to make this work. So that's about it got reservations made for the hotel i'm so excited this coming weekend Kris and I are picking Tim up so we can go firework shopping since he will be setting fireworks off for Kris for me then we are going to dinner then dropping Kris off with Mamaw so we can go back to the house and who knows what's going to go on. I have to admit I have the best boyfriend ever :)

IDK

So i dont have much to say just needed some place to get some stuff off of my chest. My best friend Kali and her boyfriend Jarrod just broke up today because he cheated on her when he was going to Ivy Tech. There is a 10 yr difference in age i know that doesn't always mean anything but idk. Anyways Tim will start going to ivy tech in the fall I am so proud of him for going but at the same time im scared. I just now got what i've been wanting for the last 5 yrs what happens if he finds someone prettier, skinner, and someone who don't have any kids. I know i shouldn't think like that and stuff but i know he could find better. I am not a super model by any means but I'm not fake like a lot of the girls around here are. I have no problems saying whats on my mind whether anyone wants to hear it or not. This is the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with and believe me I try hard not to let my doubts show around him. He makes me feel a way no one else has ever made me feel. I've been in love with him for 13 yrs since we first met but we didnt start sleeping together till 5 yrs ago and now he admitted he wanted the real relationship and I dont know what to think im happy he is mine don't get me wrong I'm thrilled in so many ways. But what happens if he decides he could do better im the one left with the broken heart and im not sure im ready to go through that. Ok now that i've gotten that out i guess i'll go lay down cuz its starting to storm here. Can't wait till tomorrow when i get to see him and be held in his arms all night then i'll be truly happy then the 4th of july he is setting fireworks off for Kris which i thought was so sweet of him.

Long day

So today has been a long day but a pretty good one. I took my son to Monkey Joes today and he had a ball. Tomorrow we are hanging out with my friend Kali then Saturday night I get to see my man I am so happy about that. I am attempting to talk him into going to my family reunion with me so I dont have to drive all the way up there alone which would be nice plus I think he needs some time away give us a chance to spend some time together and with my son of course although he is setting fireworks off for Kris for me which makes me happy that he's willing to do that. Things are getting better and he's acting like he really wants to try to make this work so that's a bonus for me. I don't after 5 years i'm not ready to give up on him even though everyone thinks I should but how can you give up on someone you love with all your heart. I think it's kinda funny that he wants to meet my brothers I'm not sure how I feel about it but this summer would be a good time to meet the oldest one but we will see well off to bed i must go so i can have a good day tomorrow and count down the hours till i'm in his arms for the night :)

First week out

Ok so this was Kris's first week out of school it went over ok I guess. Really don't remember much of the week and no it's not because I've been drinking. It's just been an odd week. We got his report card the other day 1 A 2 B's and 1 C the C is in reading which I knew would happen only because he is slightly behind everyone else mainly because he has a hard time reading outloud he seems to read the words backwards so I'm not really sure how to help him. Tonight we went and saw Marmaduke it was a pretty good movie. Saturday night I am heading over to Tim's house and so excited about it. I haven't seen him in 2 weeks it sucks but oh well I take what I get from him I guess. He's starting to change I'm not sure if I should get excited about it or not yet. Last time we were together he was talking about meeting my brothers sometime so I don't know if that's his way of saying he really wants a relationship or what I'm so lost in his thoughts sometimes. I asked him if he would give Kris the "big talk" in a few years just kinda or jokeing around (however I think it would be easier on Kris if it came from a guy) and he agreed to it a few months ago he would have just laughed at me and said keep dreaming. He had a house full of kids that night his friend brough over his kids to play some D & D and I jokeingly said "so when we gonna have a bunch of kids" his response kinda scared me he said "whenever your ready" sorry to burst his bubble but I have no plans on having anymore anytime soon just my one is enough. If I had any more it would just be 1 more that's it I don't know right now I'm taking it one day at a time with him that's all I know to do. I am however going to talk him into setting off fireworks for my son 4th of July weekend since its harder to do when you live on a busy street I'm sure I can talk him into it. Well I'm off to bed I have a busy day tomorrow

Friday

I really didn't know what to put as the title today. It's been a pretty good day. I sold 2 4oz jars of bath salts for $8.00 but got a tip so after subtracting the cost of materials i made $8.10. Needless to say I was very happy. First time something has sold if I could sell at least that much everyday I would be so thrilled. Kris had a good day at school which was good. He's up on level 3 where they want him to be. He has 3 weeks left of school he's excited. This summer looks like it is going to be a pretty busy one. I know of 3 craft fairs that me and a friend are planning on setting up together at and sharing a booth. She makes jewlry and i do the bath products. There's one here in town in July it's the 4th of July Festival we were going to do the hot dog festival but we thought it was way to expensive to set up at its $50 for the booth space and it had to be turned in before June so IDK if I could come up with money by selling some products I might go ahead and set up but I doubt it. Then in Aug there's the Old Hickory Days in Colfax and then End of Summer in Rossville that we are going to try to set up. Old Hickory Days is only $20 I still need to call about the other 2 this next week but today I got so busy doing other things and had a customer stop by to pick up his order for his wife for mother's day. It was someone I knew so I was cool with them showing up to pick it up instead of shipping it out or meeting somewhere else. His wife thinks something is going on cuz she saw a txt msg with just an address on it when she finally see's what he has been up to she'll be thrilled and I'm sure she'll email me and be ok with it all. She knows I've known him since high school and he's always been just a friend not my type. Today I did decide that I would rather be single and loney than be with someone that makes me feel loney. Come Sept. it would be 5 years of being on and off with this guy and yes I love him but he doesn't feel the same. I see him on weekends only even though we live in the same city. I just can't deal with it anymore and I shouldnt have to. I should be able to find someone who loves me for me and doesn't want just sex. Oh well I guess I will just grow old alone and enjoy it at least I can do what I want and see who I want and hang out with the girls and no one get pissy. Well Kris is going to help me make up some bath salts in morning so we can start getting things made up and see if they will sell soon.

hmmmm

Ok so after not speaking to a good friend in about 2 years they email me on myspace blew my mind. Don't get me wrong i've missed talking to this person. They gave me their number so we've been txting off and on for 2 days however I feel so bad because he is married. I mean none of the txt messages have been in any form of cheating just two friends catching up nothing sexual or anything like that but I do feel bad just because I know so many women seem to jump to the conclusion their man is cheating on them if a girl from their past txts them. Hell I grew up down at his house when we were kids he's like a brother to me his younger sister was one of my best friends for so many years until she moved to KY then we lost touch but she emailed me too so that made me happy. Right now I am single but not really single I don't know its kinda of complicated. We've been on and off again for going on 5 years he says its just sex but yet sometimes i wonder cuz all of his friends call me his woman and he doesn't argue but at the same time the guy that emailed me out of the blue is one that i would have loved to have been with and not sexually speaking but I guess that will never happen lol oh well i dont know i guess i just want someone to tell me its not completely wrong to talk to someone who is just a friend even though he's not married and they are going through a rough patch. Fuck it i dont know what to think. Well I'm off to curl up with my teddy and cry just because im confused and dont know who i can talk to cuz everyone wants to judge me lately and im so tired of it and so hurt at the same time.