Way too Early

So it's almost 2am Thursday morning normally by now I'd be out like a light but no not tonight for some reason I can't get to sleep and I'm not sure why so I went and played with my soaps instead. I made some cute Star Sugar scrubs they smell like Vanilla so cute I am so proud of myself lol. I went shopping with my friend Kali Wed. it was great fun. Bought some new clothes for next weekend along with something sexy to wear Friday night of next week hehehe no one but one person will see it on me if he even gets that lucky lol. I guess he went and got a new tat Wed night don't know what it is yet he hasn't said urg stupid boys its all good I like his tats I am starting to feel a little left out however I'm the only one out of all of the people I hang out with on a regular basis that does not have any tats hmmm maybe because I feel as though I'm too fat to have one I just wish the fat would go away but not having much luck for the last 2 months I've been walking every night at least 2 hours each night and I gave up soda and only drink water even when we go out to eat and try to choose the healthier foods and nothing it's so freakin fustrating. If I'm lucky I'll lose 1 lb in a week but then turn around the next week and gain 3 lbs seriously wtf?? I'm so fustrated I dont know what to do anymore oh well. I guess I should go to bed now. Goodnight to all

Only Tuesday

Ok so I feel as though this week is going super slow YUCK!!!! Anyways tomorrow should be a really good day. Kris is going to the zoo in Lafayette with his group and mom has class from 1-3 so I'll have a quite afternoon so I can get ready for a shopping trip. I'm going to Lafayette with my friend Kali for a girls evening out we are going shopping and having girl talk :) I so can't wait we have so much to catch onto. Today Tim changed his status on Facebook from In an open relationship to in a relationship and i started to cry i don't know why i can't explain it I know it is stupid but oh well. I had changed mine Sunday after talking to his best friend and finding out the reason he put it as open to begin with was the same reason as I did we were both afraid the other would get mad lol Kinda funny if you think about it. I get to spend two wonderful nights with him this weekend I am so excited Saturday night we will be going out with this best friend and his wife then Sunday Kris and I are going over there for a cookout and to let fireworks off then mamaw is coming to pick up Kris and Tim and I will be getting drunk yipppeee haven't been drunk in awhile should be fun :) Things are looking good on the relationship end now if only the business would pick up a little I'd be feeling so much better but I'm starting to get a little stressed about it but everyone keeps telling me not to worry that it will pick up I hope they are right. Well I better get going Kris should be home soon from group and then I have to make dinner not sure what its gonna be yet oh well lol.

Tired

It's been a long but great weekend. I so can't wait till next week since I get to spend two nights with Tim :) Saturday night we ended up going up north a little past Lafayette to a bar with this best friend Gabe and his wife Cassy for a welcome home party for a solider in Gabe's unit it was a lot of fun other than the fact that I was DD which I don't normally mind because I'm not a big drinker and they are my friends and I wouldn't want them to get hurt. So this week should go back to normal due to moms classes starting back up then next weekend will be great. Saturday we are going with Gabe and his wife again but this time we are going to Kokomo to a strip club (i could careless about that but whatever) then Sunday Kris and I are going over to Tim's for a cookout (just the three of us) and then set off fireworks then mom is picking Kris up and I'm staying with Tim for the night so that makes me very happy. I love falling asleep next to him. Things are going really great. Well I think I am going to go lay back down for some reason I'm having a hard time staying awake today I think it's due to the heat

It's Saturday

So it's finally Saturday thank goodness I didn't think it would get here fast enough. I've got about 45 mins before picking up my boyfriend I can't wait. This will be the first time he's been out with Kris and I so I hope it's a good day. We are heading to Lafayette for dinner and to shop for fireworks since he's willing to set them off for Kris next Sunday. Kris is so excited he wants to sit next to Tim at dinner so I guess I don't get much of a choice silly kid. Oh well. I don't know I'm just super excited I guess today and I don't know why. I know I shouldn't make it a big deal for the simple fact that bout time I get excited he will decied this isn't what he wants. I don't know everyone keeps telling me I have nothing to worry about but after being cheated on and everything else in the past by others it's kind of hard to trust that he's not going to just up and walk away for no reason at all. Well I guess I better get going so I can get the dog ready to go into her cage while we are gone then call my mom so she knows we are on our way to Lafayette soon and stop by the store for cigs for tim to keep him happy for the evening. Hope everyone has a good weekend

Late Night Phone Call

I am so not as young as I used to be therefore I go to bed usually no later than midnight other than Saturday nights when I stay up with tim till the wee hours of the morning. Well here it is a little after 2am and I just got off the phone with his best friend whom I have yet to talk to since his ass got back from overseas so it was nice talking to him. I found out that when Tim goes over there I'm the only thing he talks to Gabe about and that he's excited and very nervouse about going to my family reunion because it does take him away from his house but i'm sure he'll be fine and the fact that Kris will be there and he hasn't been around Kris much. I am feeling so much better to know i'm not the only one worried about stuff. I worry about how Kris is going to react towards Tim and how he's going to behave in general. I really hope he's on his best behavor. This Saturday my mom is taking tim, kris and I to dinner and then we are going firework shopping so this will be the first time he's been around kris so we'll see how that goes. It's just good to know that someone else in this relationship is a little worried and nervouse. I have yet to understand why he's nervous about my family i don't care if they like him or not because to be honest I love him the only person i care if they like him is Kris and that's cuz Kris would be very involved in our life. I don't know I guess I better go back to bed.

Great Weekend

I realize this past weekend was fathers day but for me it was a good weeked. Tim took me to his cousins wedding reception (neither of us knew about it till last min.) so I met half of his family it was nice most of them were drinking. We then headed out to his sisters place with what was left of the Keg to finish the party. It was nice I was sober like always someone has to drive lol. I did mention I had a family reunion coming up in July up North and asked if he would go with I was very shocked when he said Yes that made my day then to top it off he's going as my date to my best friends wedding in July as well even though he HATES weddings. I so can tell he is trying hard to make this work. So that's about it got reservations made for the hotel i'm so excited this coming weekend Kris and I are picking Tim up so we can go firework shopping since he will be setting fireworks off for Kris for me then we are going to dinner then dropping Kris off with Mamaw so we can go back to the house and who knows what's going to go on. I have to admit I have the best boyfriend ever :)

IDK

So i dont have much to say just needed some place to get some stuff off of my chest. My best friend Kali and her boyfriend Jarrod just broke up today because he cheated on her when he was going to Ivy Tech. There is a 10 yr difference in age i know that doesn't always mean anything but idk. Anyways Tim will start going to ivy tech in the fall I am so proud of him for going but at the same time im scared. I just now got what i've been wanting for the last 5 yrs what happens if he finds someone prettier, skinner, and someone who don't have any kids. I know i shouldn't think like that and stuff but i know he could find better. I am not a super model by any means but I'm not fake like a lot of the girls around here are. I have no problems saying whats on my mind whether anyone wants to hear it or not. This is the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with and believe me I try hard not to let my doubts show around him. He makes me feel a way no one else has ever made me feel. I've been in love with him for 13 yrs since we first met but we didnt start sleeping together till 5 yrs ago and now he admitted he wanted the real relationship and I dont know what to think im happy he is mine don't get me wrong I'm thrilled in so many ways. But what happens if he decides he could do better im the one left with the broken heart and im not sure im ready to go through that. Ok now that i've gotten that out i guess i'll go lay down cuz its starting to storm here. Can't wait till tomorrow when i get to see him and be held in his arms all night then i'll be truly happy then the 4th of july he is setting fireworks off for Kris which i thought was so sweet of him.

Long day

So today has been a long day but a pretty good one. I took my son to Monkey Joes today and he had a ball. Tomorrow we are hanging out with my friend Kali then Saturday night I get to see my man I am so happy about that. I am attempting to talk him into going to my family reunion with me so I dont have to drive all the way up there alone which would be nice plus I think he needs some time away give us a chance to spend some time together and with my son of course although he is setting fireworks off for Kris for me which makes me happy that he's willing to do that. Things are getting better and he's acting like he really wants to try to make this work so that's a bonus for me. I don't after 5 years i'm not ready to give up on him even though everyone thinks I should but how can you give up on someone you love with all your heart. I think it's kinda funny that he wants to meet my brothers I'm not sure how I feel about it but this summer would be a good time to meet the oldest one but we will see well off to bed i must go so i can have a good day tomorrow and count down the hours till i'm in his arms for the night :)

First week out

Ok so this was Kris's first week out of school it went over ok I guess. Really don't remember much of the week and no it's not because I've been drinking. It's just been an odd week. We got his report card the other day 1 A 2 B's and 1 C the C is in reading which I knew would happen only because he is slightly behind everyone else mainly because he has a hard time reading outloud he seems to read the words backwards so I'm not really sure how to help him. Tonight we went and saw Marmaduke it was a pretty good movie. Saturday night I am heading over to Tim's house and so excited about it. I haven't seen him in 2 weeks it sucks but oh well I take what I get from him I guess. He's starting to change I'm not sure if I should get excited about it or not yet. Last time we were together he was talking about meeting my brothers sometime so I don't know if that's his way of saying he really wants a relationship or what I'm so lost in his thoughts sometimes. I asked him if he would give Kris the "big talk" in a few years just kinda or jokeing around (however I think it would be easier on Kris if it came from a guy) and he agreed to it a few months ago he would have just laughed at me and said keep dreaming. He had a house full of kids that night his friend brough over his kids to play some D & D and I jokeingly said "so when we gonna have a bunch of kids" his response kinda scared me he said "whenever your ready" sorry to burst his bubble but I have no plans on having anymore anytime soon just my one is enough. If I had any more it would just be 1 more that's it I don't know right now I'm taking it one day at a time with him that's all I know to do. I am however going to talk him into setting off fireworks for my son 4th of July weekend since its harder to do when you live on a busy street I'm sure I can talk him into it. Well I'm off to bed I have a busy day tomorrow